Coronation Street
: The week started off rather badly for Sunita, what with Dev having told her to take a hike, and Stella having little or no sympathy for the young wan who stole her fella in the first place. Things went from bad to worse when she wandered into the Rovers to discover her ex lover was a bit of an ars...onist. Of course bad boy Karl has developed a new taste for flame, and looked rather tormented/pleased with himself as he lined up to get his kit off with Tommy, Jason, the Doctor, Rob and Eileen's very own fireman Paul, while the ill fated Toni rattled her bucket. We're quite glad we didn't see the boys in the nip in the end, but we can't help but wonder if there's a Magic Mike storyline on the horizon for young Tommy? That 'snake' or whatever you call it was far too good to be true... Elsewhere, Kirsty lost the plot, leaving with Ruby with Julie and watching from the window as the pub y'know, blew up? Brian was more concerned about his ham rolls than a crying child, and was rather upset to learn they'd be bringing up baby all night long. Tina clocked yer wan in the window though, so we're guessing the jig is almost up for the psychotic former PC.... Oh, and the Rovers pretty much blew up, leaving Toni dead, Stella unconscious, and Sunita most likely brain damaged. But you probably didn't notice any of that...

Emmerdale: There were plenty of explosions down in the Dales too this week, but they were of the emotional variety. Bob told Brenda he didn't care that she'd been lying to him, and offered to stick by her through thick and thin. We're not quite sure how many punches this lad can take... Charity and Declan's little indiscretion came to the attention of the friendly neighborhood psycho killer, who decided to hold it over his former would-be cousin in law as her own fella came back to the village. Poor clueless Katie had yet another week of woe, as she invited the pair up to the house for a double date, blissfully unaware that the truth would out. And out it did, what with Jai flying off the handle and storming off, only to come back for err, a bit of a confrontation with Declan. Don't worry though Chaz, sure you only slept with the bloke, that's nothing compared to what your other half's been up to... Speaking of kissing people you shouldn't have been kissing, Alicia had a wonderful week too, being forced to set up a glamorous bridal photo shoot for yer wan and her ex husband to be. But sure didn't Priya fall in at the last minute, leaving Alicia to don the gina and make a blushing bride transformation that left David wondering if he was doing the right thing by divorcing her in the first place. Elsewhere Sandy and Edna gave the odd couple a run for their money, but the less said about that, the better...

EastEnders: Nothing on this planet could ever wipe the sight of Phil Mitchell and Tanya Cross falling on to a bed together. That scene has been permanently burned into my retina. Anyway, first things first, Liam decided to prove how much of a tough guy he was by trashing his bedroom, and his mammy's best option was to keep him locked up and give him a whack. Oh Bianca, you do know it's a bit late for that right? And taking the whole thing out on young Whitnaaaay didn't exactly help either. Sure didn't the witless young wan fall for young Liam's charms and let him out the door in a jiffy? We're guessing he won't be back for a while... Tanya and Phil *shudder* decided they'd like a bit of company, teaming up for the most short-lived yet stomach churningly horrific relationships soap land has ever seen. It's ok though kids, they didn't bump uglies, and we're guessing they both were in for the same reasons - making Max and Sharon jealous. And by God it worked, what with Sharon getting a rather obvious case of the green eyed monster. She'd better not slip up though, or else Tanya will be telling Jack all about her little smooch with Phil... Shirley went AWOL on Ben's birthday, because y'know, it was a year since 'Ev's murder, and to mark the occasion she cracked out the old bitter and twisted ensemble. Boring. And Billy Mitchell made a move on Ava, much to Dexter's dismay....

Fair City: We'd love a great big fire in McCoys, y'know, the kind that could take a few characters out, because enough of them really got on our goat this week. Eddie's world fell apart on Paddy's Day when, after signing chariot over to Decco Bishop (smart man), he discovered he'd lost all his money, and Wayne's, in an investment gamble. Speaking of young Mr Malloy, after learning of his losses he seemed to be at the verge of becoming somewhat decent, but after taking his ma to the movies (nobody calls them films any more apparently) and hearing a few snide remarks from Carrigstown's new rich bad boy (seriously Paul, we're not buying it, shurrrrup) he chose instead to help the criminal mastermind crack his ma's computer in a bank fraud scam. That'll go well, I'm sure *waggles eyebrow* Elsewhere, Christy continued to bluster (unconvincingly) and tell Sean he was a very bad boy, while the young fella considered paying off criminals to find out who really broke into the shop. And as for Val... well, remember we mentioned that pub fire? Yeah, says it all... Meanwhile over at the Dillons, martial bliss descended on Judith and Tommy, but y'know, not before he started the mental abuse, and she cut up her clothes. Because really, this is the same woman that threw him out of the house for getting jiggy with Jo Fahy, and if we're talking about a pub fire, she can head along for a glass of wine... And finally, big daddy Bishop arrived on the scene, to scare the bejaysus out of his wife and remind us why we can't stand Charlotte, who should really run along to that pub too....