John Travolta's going out of his way to quash those 'gay' rumours, so... Apologies, but that's about all one can say about this.

OK, you could make reference to that fact that himself and Olivia Newton John have gone out of their way to defecate on the memory of Grease for some reason. You could also touch on how the brown felt that has commandeered Travolta's head has spread to his chin. The dance moves could also be a topic of conversation. Or perhaps the fact that Danny and Sandy 2012 want you to visualise them "making love all night" before "watching it's a Wonderful Liiiiiiiiheeeeef."

Or, really, the main thing that needs addressing is that Kelly Preston, AKA Mrs Travolta, is dancing around the airport with his kids while he's talking about riding Olivia Newton John.

But, realistically, there are no words. Apart from one. "Needless." And "Horrifying." We could also add "Christ", "Bike" and "No lights." Or, we could just wrap things up with a simple "WRONG."

I don't like it, Danny and Sandy, I don't like it one bit...

You probably feel like washing your brain out after that, so try sampling what a Christmas Single should be. Take it away, Ultan *twirls*