OK. Let's keep this brief, shall we?
Cate Blanchett: decided to come as a bottle of Pepto-Bismol (A-bismol...? Apologies) mid puke. Or a shower curtain being hung up to dry.
Sandra Bullock: Alexis Carrington wants her dress back. Between this and the Golden Globe offering; one more strike and yer out, Sandy.
Julia Roberts: as a dress it's all wrong....
.... As a pantaloon onsie, it's a disaster.... Roberts has covered the 90s at the Golden Globes, and the 70s here, so presumably she'll be robbing Sandra Bullock's dress for The Oscars.
Abigail Breslin: Hellew, Little Miss Sunshine. One can only assume she's trying to land herself a role in Nashville. She's 17, by the way.
Sarah Paulson: dress your age, Momma, not your shoe size... This Rochas dress would be better on Abigail Breslin.
Sofia Vergara: Less is more. Between the hair and the necklace, you'd hardly notice the Donna Karan dress. It's like she's the world's skinniest glitter ball.
Ariel Winter: She's only 15, she's only 15, she's only 15, she's only 15.... perhaps a boob levitating Badgley Mischka dress wasn't the way to go.
Emma Thompson and Meryl Streep: Both of them look like they're about to kick off their sandals and go for a stroll on beach. Not a blustery beach, mind; they both might take off.
Julia Louis Dreyfus: A lot of people are giving her jip for her Monique Lhuillier offering, mainly because it doesn't quite do her curves justice...
... but it's a damn sight better than what her Veep co-star, Sufe 'Sue' Bradshaw, pulled out for the occasion. At least she succeeds in proving that one can only sport a tiara either walking up an aisle or astride a float.
Lastly, we have a pregnant Kerry Washington rocking a crop top. She almost pulls it off. Almost. Like, the dude over her right should totally would, until she turns to the side, and he's all like 'WOOOAH, WHAT THE...??!' Kudos for giving it a whirl, Kerry, but we can't help but imagine this would look much cuter sans bump.