In the history of stupid ideas, there have been some fantastic ones.
Thinking that anyone would watch a spin-off series with Joey from 'Friends', that's a stupid idea. Voting for a failing reality television star who couldn't possibly grapple with the intricacies of geopolitics and run the largest economy in the world - that's a really stupid idea. Making a sequel to 'Donnie Darko' - very stupid idea.
Yet, all of these somehow pale in comparison to this one.
It's a cocktail capsule. You pop it in your mouth, bite down, and you get watery alcohol sprayed all inside it and then you... eat the capsule? That's right, folks. We're at this stage of capitalism. Welcome.
Glenlivet - which is apparently the best-selling malt whiskey brand in the US - have released a thing called the Glenlivet Capsule Collection, which is either a satire of millennial drinking habits or it's a desperate attempt at relevancy in the most pathetic way possible.
Either way, there is no way on God's slowly deteriorating Earth that this was going to go unnoticed by the internet.
Take a look at the promotional video, which as far as we're able to determine, is very real.
As if to underline our point, it's worth noting that there doesn't appear to be a shortage of glasses in the world, nor is there any shortage of ice either. In fact, drinking alcohol is one of the few things in life that can't be necessarily infected by technology.
You put it in a glass, you drink it, you put the glass back down again and you repeat as necessary. Who wants a gushing of alcohol and seaweed in their mouth? Do you just pop one of these in and then you're half-drunk? Since when does alcohol need to come in a dishwasher pouch?
Think about how the meeting for this went, where they decided to make this abomination. "Young people aren't drinking premium booze any more, they're all taking pills and listening unironically to Cher and Celine Dion. We need to appeal them on their level."
And then it happens, they look up from their polished board room tables and voila, cocktail capsules. They'll love it. We'll get some guy with sailor tattoos and thick, clear-rimmed glasses to make a drink in the advertisement for it, we'll have non-offensive electro music playing, we'll mention sustainability in there as well and we'll have a multi-cultural testing team.
Brilliant work, Johnson. Have a cocktail capsule. And then it sprays everywhere when he bites into it, permanently blinding his colleagues as the seaweed and high-grade alcohol begins to eat into their corneas as they scream in agony, writhing on the floor. All while the cocktail capsules look on, dispassionately, blankly, knowing that the seaweed from whence they came is finally enacting their vengeance on humanity for destroying the ecosystems of the world.
Enjoy Glenlivet Cocktail Capsule Collection responsibly.