Star Rating:

Wedding Season

Streaming On: Watch Wedding Season on Disney+

Genre(s): Horror

'Wedding Season' charts the affair between bride to be Katie and down on his luck Irishman Stefan. When Stefan storms into the church on Katie's wedding day and objects to the preceeding nuptials, he unwittingly makes himself a prime suspect for later in the episode when Katie's new husband and family are murdered at the wedding reception. The pair manage to bust out of police custody and go on the run and to be quite honest, it's a real dog's dinner.

Not least because Katie is a pain in the absolute hole. She's the 'Wedding Season' answer to 'Bond'; an amalgamation of both Bond Girl with her sexy cocktail dresses and 007 if 007 were an insufferable little pest. She's like a drunk eejit doing silly billy things, but Katie (as far as we know) is meant to be stone cold sober.

She's a blight; she robs people's phones, lies about her identity, ruins the lives of people around her, cheats on her fiance and has the gall to point the finger at him and call him a dickhead. For what, being rich? A bit snobby? Feck off. We're not having it.

There's an absolute doozy of a scene sequence that sums her up perfectly. Let us paint you a picture. She's on the run from the police with Stefan. Later she reveals that a gang might be after them too, for shaky and largely ambiguous reasons. The gang attempts to kidnap her but, ah yahoo! Stefan saves her. Then the first thing that comes out of her gob is "you're so getting laid tonight". Give us a bucket. Quick.

But it's not just Katie — plenty of characters in 'Wedding Season' lack any sort of depth or charm. There's DC Mets and DI Donoghue, two coppers that are partners in crime and, the show hints, under the sheets. You'd never know if it wasn't explicitly said, since there's more tension between our belly and the packed lunch we took to work today than there is between Mets and Donoghue.

Gavin Drea's Stefan is the only semi-likable character by comparison. He's unoffensive and he's Irish, so as far as this series goes: tick, tick. The cast of characters is so devoid of any charisma, even the shite jokes made by Stefan pass as funny, by extension of him just not being insufferable.

You've got a mass murder, an affair, two bozos busting out of a police station by catapulting themselves off a building like Spiderman, fake identities, fugitives, secret husbands, a car pushed off a cliff, kidnappings, what feels like an endless string of weddings with themes like learner driver wedding, and somehow it's still utter garbage. And not in a good way. No amount of mediocre jokes can save it.

This series is a slow, painful death. Instead of watching it, we can suggest not one, not two, but three better wastes of your time. Number one, cut your lawn with a scissors. Number two, go match all your odd socks. Number three, go peel 20 cloves of garlic.

'Wedding Season' is out on the 8th of September on Disney+.