84-year-old Bruce Forsyth reckons he'll know when retirement beckons. Why? Because his facilitators/people who make a living off him will let him know. Of course they will: "I will know it's time to retire. My loved ones, my darling wife, my agent, manager Jan and Ian, they will tell me. I've always told them if I look as though I'm over the hill, you know, just tell me - but I think I'll know myself."
Nicky Byrne feels like exposing himself on Strictly Come Dancing (properly returning to BBC1 on October 5th) now that he hasn't got his Westlife band members to cover for him: "When I walked on the floor I thought, 'Holy s**t, what have I signed up for? You are totally exposed and this is the first time I've done something out of Westlife. This is something with such media interest and out of my comfort zone, it's the toughest thing I could have picked." Nope, again, that would've been Dancing on Ice.
The BBC weren't interested in the latest Red Dwarf revival, which is due to air on Dave on October 4th. In an interview with the Radio Times, the show's co-creator Doug Naylor said: "No, the BBC hasn't approached us [about a revival]. The last one we did with them was series eight, which got eight million and was the most successful series we've ever done. And then we wanted to do a film, which took so long not to get anywhere!...I totally understand the channel controllers who want to encourage the next generation (of Jack Whitehalls and Russell Howards, no ta) and who say, 'We don't want you old farts back again, although we enjoyed you while you were here. And quite honestly, we don't know if the people who used to watch your show will still watch'. But I think [Dave's first 2009 mini-series] Back to Earth proved that the Red Dwarf fanbase is still there."
The Ponds will depart Doctor Who in a mid-season episode entitled The Angels Take Manhattan. Speaking of her final moments, Karen Gillan said: "That doesn't necessarily mean death, but it will be pretty final. So yeah, you are going to cry. I hope so, anyway. I like making you cry. That makes me happy..." I hope they're happy tears, and not the tears of sheer boredom I wept during last Saturday's community production of Oklahoma with added bounty hunting cyborgs weighed down by the burden of conscience... Roll on episode 4 please.