That was a bit of a head scratcher. Or, as Bob Mortimer tweeted: "This is a fart of a full stop to what was a wonderful sentence." And it was all going so well.
I didn't get to see Danny Boyle's Opening Ceremony, but it was really something to behold by all accounts. Several BBC mouthpieces said in the build up to the closing ceremony "If the opening ceremony was the wedding, this is the wedding reception." A pretty bleak wedding reception opening with Emelie Sande warbling morosely followed by everyone being reminded of the impending Monday morning traffic.
Timothy Spalding bursting forth from Big Ben's head and some extras portraying Del Boy and Rodders in their Batman and Robin onesies raised a few titters, but f*** knows what the rest of the world was thinking.
Madness got to relive the Diamond Jubilee, the Pet Shop Boys put in an appearance, One Direction got to sing What Makes You Beautiful on the back of a truck, Ray Davies crooned Waterloo Sunset, Emelie Sande came out to warble again, and then Elbow provided the soundtrack to the Olympians' stadium entrance. No matter how many times they repeated the refrain from One Day Like This, the athletes still hadn't got themselves into their 'pens of enforced fun,' so we were treated to recordings of Madness, The Pet Shop Boys and One Direction again.
After several homages to The Beatles, one of which lead to Graham Linehan's son to believe that the beautifully improvised head of John Lennon was that of Harry Potter, George Michael arrived. The party had officially started. He bellowed Freedom and then treated us to some of his new material. Yay. Which he chose to mime... "I'm not live, I'm not live, I'm not live, I'm not live…"
What followed were several moments of "Oh, The Who are going to perform!" (nope, it was the Kaiser Chiefs…) and "Wow, they got David Bowie?!" (nope, the got a Bowie montage so they could wheel out Kate Moss to walk up an slight incline to Fashion). By the time the strains of Pink Floyd were heard the audience were wise to the situation, so it came as no surprise that it was Ed Sheeran lilting while Nick Mason padded on percussion.
We get what they were trying to do, they were trying to meld the old with the new. Sadly they only served to highlight that today's musical offerings (and the Kaiser Chiefs) just can't measure up. At least Annie Lennox did actually turn up (as a pirate wench) but she mimed too.
Russell Brand got to "sing" I Am The Walrus while dressed as Willy Wonka, Fat Boy Slim pretended to DJ while in an inflatable octopus, before Jessie J sang the lyrics of Price Tag while speeding around in what appeared to be a Rolls Royce. She was then joined by Taoi Cruz and an Awkward looking Tinie Tempah for a rendition of the Bee Gees' We Should Be Dancing. All the while, I was muttering "Don't let the Spice Girls be the highlight, do not let the Spice Girls be the highlight."
They weren't, but Victoria Beckham almost toppling over when her taxi reversed unexpectedly was. Also the girls were directly responsible for Boris Johnson and David Cameron's jovial bout of dad dancing.
To be honest, I retired at the 11.10pm point, around the time when Liam Gallagher finished butchering Wonderwall and Trevor Nelson reminded us that he was supposed to be providing commentary.
Apparently I missed another interesting tweet from Graham Linehan, which he unfortunately chose to post while Take That took to the stage. He likened the production values to the film Maybe Baby. Of all the films he could have chosen.
Jessie J brought her duetting duties to a close by providing vocals on Queen's We Will Rock You, Muse performed their Olympics anthem Survival (to quote Matt Bellamy "I can't imagine what we could have done right for the Olympics") and The Who managed to turn up to sing My Generation in person.
On a positive note (this perambulation is long overdue one), the athletes seemed to enjoy the proceedings and that's the main thing. Also, without it, we wouldn't have this. Lookit David and Boris go *shimmies*