Drink it in. Here's a chance to see David Haye in all his majesty before he wastes away - or is ejected from camp for tearing Helen Flanagan limb from limb to BBQ over the fire the next time she chirrups "I didn't get any stars!" Which, let's face it, will be tonight (it's an eating challenge by the name Rotton Rhymes. I shan't be watching thanks to my crippling emetophobia.)

David Haye, you see, is a man on the edge. The reason why he looks so gleeful in the above pic with Helen is because, if he had been chosen to do tonight's trial, he would be guaranteed a feed. Alas, Helen - who is obviously rather well prepped in the ways of Natalie Appleton and Gillian McKeith, but with added boobs - was chosen again (Nadine has been chosen again as her opponent, but that's just because viewers loathe her).

Haye, being a heavy weight boxer, is used to consuming in the region of 4,000 to 5,000 calories a day. That isn't quite happening right now, and that's essentially Helen's fault. When she fails tonight (extremely likely given her propensity to say "I think I'm going to throw up" every two minutes, and given she lasted all of four seconds during last night's Bug Burial challenge), he's going to go from thinking she "stinks of fake tan" to "gentle caresses the nostrils with a tangy glaze".

Others losing patience with Helen's general inability to function as an adult is Charlie Brooks. When Helen announced she lasted "10 seconds" (four, actually) with a few maggots, Charlie took to the Bush Telegraph to announce she felt it was "pathetic". She did hang around Helen long enough to say "You did your best... If you come back with no stars tomorrow, we'll kick your arse." Not if Nadine Dorries kicks it first, what with Flanagan complaining she had a twig in her hair while the former tried to rid herself of the some 15,000 insects she shared a coffin with for five minutes (a fruitless endeavor as she had to stay in there for the full ten minutes in order to qualify for dinner that night).

We could talk about the rest of the contestants, like Brian and the Darts Dude flailing over large lily pads, and Hugo generally complaining about everything, but until they start getting naked under the shower, or pissing off several thousand of the voting public, they'll invariably remain in the background - until Helen walks. Which I'm guessing will be within the week (that's the usual contractual obligation in order to get one's fee).

>'I'm a Celebrity...' news: we reckon Rosie off Corrie is a flight risk.