Now in it’s ninth year, The Apprentice UK kicked off last week with a double bill, and this series looks like it’s going to be the best yet. The show returns to our TV screens tonight with a 'flat-pack challenge', and we've got five reasons for you to tune in...
1. Ridiculously OTT Quotes
Contestants can never get enough of boasting about themselves (when they’re not busy bitching about each other that is.) Gems so far include "I'm the Brad Pitt of the teacher training industry", "I am business perfection personified" and the particularly cheesy "I have the body of Jessica Rabbit and the brains of Einstein". Seriously. How do they come up with this crap?!
2. Inhumane Call Times
Dubbed the ‘job interview from hell’, the first task involved a boardroom meeting at midnight, and a 2am start. Every week we see contestants get the phonecall from a mysterious secretary, telling them to be ready at some ungodly hour. That said, the girls always seem groomed to perfection, do they sleep with a full face of slap on?
3. Nick’s Eyebrows
Never before have a pair of eyebrows been so expressive. These babies can make Nick look thoughtful, pensive, quizzical, baffled, confused and menacing - all at the same time. They really should get their own spin off show...
4. Cinematic Shots
London looks amazing in this series. Every episode gives a panoramic view of the city, from the sky scrapers to the period houses, and iconic buildings like the Gherkin. The contestants are ferried about in flash cars and the house they live in is fab. Although the best filming location has to be that cafe where the losing team drown their sorrows. It’s quite possibly the grimmest, most miserable place in the world - even the tea looks depressed.
5. Lord Sugar/ ’Sur Allun'
The boss never stops moaning. In the last two episodes alone he’s taken the piss out of CVs, given out to contestants for slouching, told them to shut up and described the odd participant as "a bloody waste of space who couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery". And to think, this is the guy they’re all so desperate to work for!
He's no Bill Cullen though, eh lads? We miss Jackie Lavin.
Words: Alexandra Murphy