The main news in TV land this week was the announcement that early nineties cult classic Twin Peaks will be returning to our screens in 2016. Queue the internet freaking out about all the various directions they might go with it. Expectations will be high so we can only hope it manages to live up to them and doesn't tarnish the good name of the original show. However, so often, that is the case with these shows - they are resurrected from the dead, and reappear with some vague similarities to the original except with a cool new 'modren' look that nobody asked for. For the most part, we have blocked out these remakes, in the hope they will eventually fade completely from our memory, however, below are the ones that were so bad, they are sadly etched in our brains forever...
Even the very theme tune of this evokes nostalgia like none other. Dallas was, by all accounts, a cultural phenomenon at the time, especially on our fair shores. Who would have thought that a wealthy oil family from Texas would have such appeal to your average Joe over here? We lapped it up though and it wasn't a Saturday night without catching up on the drama of Southfork. Then, in 2012, they go and decide to bring it back, with all the childers of the earlier days all grown up and as bold as brass. They even roped JR and Bobby in, although sadly Larry Hagman since passed away. It just didn't have the magic as before, whether TV has grown past it or whether it just could never live up to are tremendously high expectations, we don't know, either way it was cancelled after three seasons just last week. So pretty soon we can just pretend like it never happened at all.
It's pretty difficult to take a story about a slick, talking car and f**k it up, but that's what NBC did when they took the, er, classic David Hasselhoff series from the 80s. Starring male model looking sort, Justin Bruening, it tried to replicate a show that retrospectively was filled with cheese, by basically being cheesy but not seeming to know it. Noughties nostalgia doesn't really have the same reverberation... er, yet. It lasted 17 episodes before being given the bullet by the upper brass of the then last place, NBC network.
Beverly Hills 90210
This show literally ran all throughout the nineties and pretty much defined a generation. There, we said it - we learned some crucial life lessons through the trials and tribulations of the characters of 90210. That's why it was so upsetting when they went and made a new version, and instead of the Walsh family, we had some imposters called the Wilsons. At least they still had the Peach Pit though, but, it was some modernised souless version that even Nat didn't want to be in any more. It lasted about five seasons in fairness, with a few of the old gang popping up from time to time because they clearly weren't getting much work elsewhere. No doubt about it though, this show should have been left in the nineties.
The Lyrics Board
Would you believe us if we told you that the concept of The Lyrics Board is worth millions? Yep, that Thursday evening show with Aonghus McAnally,and the Rock and Roll kids singer went on to have 26 versions of it reproduced worldwide. It was basically just like karaoke meets Wheel of Fortune, but a winning formula, clearly. Delighted with themselves, RTE thought, why not bring this cash cow back to our telly boxes? However, with Aonghas long since retired they had to come up with a replacement. Louis Walsh was clearly not answering their calls so Linda Martin was brought in to front it. The name was changed to 'Sing' which was just a terrible idea, at least they could have stuck with the brand recognition, but it only lasted for one season from 2011/2012, and nobody even noticed it gone.
Although this reboot of the popular show from the ’70s has recently just been greenlit for a fifth series, we simply can’t understand why it’s still a thing that happens. Perhaps it’s just not our cup of tea, really, but it does appeal to the masses with a good-looking cast and obviously the beautiful surrounds of Hawaii, so we suppose storylines and all that aren’t really too important.
The most baffling part of the show is their insistence on clunky product placement, and there is no finer example than this seamless ad for Subway, which you couldn’t tell was advertising at all, could you?
In most shows that would be the worst example, but oh no, they weren’t done. Trust us, you can just Bing it and find loads of these…
It takes a lot for us to dislike anything that features Minka Kelly of Friday Night Lights fame, but ultimately the public voted on this one when almost nobody watched the lone season of this terrible reboot. Back in 2011, they decided that an iconic TV show and a couple of movies was not enough, and they wanted to milk the Charlie’s Angels franchise for just a few more drops of that sweet, sweet money, and this is what they got. Executive producer Drew Barrymore was behind the project, and while there’s no doubting that the cast was easy on the eye and there was no shortage of stunts, explosions and some very nice camerawork to keep even the most easily-distracted of us entertained, it really lacked any substance whatsoever, possibly thanks in large part to a fairly terrible script, which you can get a flavour of in the trailer.
Another programme many will have grown up with in the nineties, Gladiators was the one show of a Saturday evening that would make us all shut up. Well, until we started trying to imitate them and dueling with our sibling with cushions, but sure weren't we kept entertained. We all had our favourites, whether we liked to boo Wolf, swoon over Hunter or try out Lightning's high kicks. And who didn't try race up the escalator at their local shopping centre to recreate the final? It finished up in 2000, but was shamelessly revived in 2008 with a whole load of new Gladiators that we can't even remember the names of because it was cancelled the following year. Should have been left well alone.