Picture the scene. Me and the fellah rolling home at late last night after attending the All Ireland footie final in Croke Park (GOWAN THE REBELS *wildly flings around a ravaged rolled up programme*. Honestly, I've had the theme tune to The Price Is Right reverberating around my head ever since thanks to the repeated wails of "Come on Down!!!"). It's safe to say, we were a little worse for wear. After managing to order a Chinese, I remembered I've to watch the X Factor so I can pass comment on it today. Here's what I learned, through a haze of spring rolls and special chow mein.
Nicole Scherzinger is almost vacuous as she portrayed herself to be on Friday night's Paul O'Grady Show. Was anyone else mortified when she stood up to undulate uncontrollable in front of Diva Fever? She also has that Americanised inability to say "no" without blowing an inordinate amount of smoke up contestant's hoops, which is time consuming.
I also had a the glaring fact reinforced that mediocrity was being ushered through if it was prettily packaged. Hello to you, Marlon McKenzie (he was rejected twice before, but this time around Simon had "a good feeling about him as a person"... cause he's blatantly Daniel Johnson part II); Tobias and his merry band of blonde supporters; miniature Scherzinger in the making - Ramena; and teen incarnation of Seth Cohen, one Harry Styles.
Thankfully, there was a collective bout of lucidity when the judges were faced with whooping Chico lookalike, Richard, who warbled out Higher and Higher. They all said no. I bet the dodgy jeans played a part
The contestant which made the biggest impact over the weekend made her TV debut on Saturday night; a life changing event which I regrettably missed. I am, of course, referencing classy Chloe, the 19-year-old prostitute (I'm not being mean, she's actully a prostitute) who everyone's in uproar about. She did a rubbish audition, and - purely for the purpose of TV - was put through to the next round. Her VT speaks for itself. In short, Louis was the lone voice of reason; Nicole put her through for obvious reasons (the lack of talent affinity that requires the almost useless to wear practically nothing at all times), while Simon was most likely tipped off by producers that her career choice would garner him column inches.
Today, she's the leading story in The Mirror. They've given her a platform to regale how she felt when The Sun broke the news about her being a call girl weeeeeks ago: "When I saw the paper I started crying my eyes out. My friend was crying. My little girl was crying. We were all sat on the news agent's floor crying. It was the worst thing ever."
Yep, she has a child. A 20-month-old who was probably petrified by the vision of her mam sat on shop floor with tears attempting to break past the spider plant lashes. That or she was missing her dad ("Chloe took off with Destiny after Ian, 21, arranged a custody hearing. He said: 'She didn't turn up to court as she knew she'd lose Destiny. She brought her back and we are trying to work out shared custody but she has put me through hell.") Hopefully Ian will get his wish, that way he might let his daughter know that there are other ways of earning a living (Chloe has been quoted as saying: "When you have no GCSEs like me there is no other way to make big money.")
According to reports, many viewers are incensed that Chloe was put through to the next round (one commented: "She should be wrapped in sackcloth and ashes and hidden away"...) well, they can rest easy now cause she's after giving herself the boot. Firstly, she turned up to Boot Camp knackered: "She completely missed the first day and turned up halfway through the second day looking like she'd been scraped off the street. She was really unapologetic and said that she'd been working all night then ended up at a party and hadn't even been to sleep. She was a complete mess." Secondly, she was reportedly caught "sneaking out for sex while at the X Factor hotel," leaving Simon with no option but to kick her off the show. After she was used as a promotional tool.
In other news; Sharon Osbourne tried to get her job back, while her daughter Kelly had some lovely things to say about Dannii Minogue (namely "wa wa wa you poor middle aged victum").
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