Apologies, I know you're sick of it, but - hey - so am I.
Now that Cheryl is reportedly avoiding her phone like the plague, and has therefore "missed the deadline" enforced by the show's producers (i.e. Cowellenaaydor), the UK's X Factor judges will be "pop mogul" Louis Walsh, Take That's Gary Barlow, singer Kelly Rowland, and *shudders* N-Dud Tulisa Contostavlos.
Former judge Cowell said: "These four are totally up for it (unlike Cheryl, who would prefer to scarf Digestives under a cloak of darkness instead of doing promotional work), each of them bring a different attitude. They have had a tonne of hits between them and they are all committed to finding a star. I have a feeling Louis and Tulisa will have slightly different points of view as to what the next star should look and sound like."
The former statement regarding finding a star appears to have had an impact on 40-year-old Barlow, what with him mumbling: "I'm extremely excited about working on The X Factor. I've always been a fan of the show and always enjoyed performing on it, too. My one goal is to find a global superstar. If I don't find one, I won't have done my job." Not that he sounds brainwashed or anything.
But back to Cheryl and those biscuits. Apparently one of the main reasons the Americans fired her was because she wasn't willing to change herself - therefore they believed she had a "negative attitude."
One bosom buddy said: "She just seemed very down. There was too much negativity around her. It's as if she still regrets getting divorced from Ashley Cole, when clearly she was still in love with him (YAWN). She just didn't help herself. She was "offered elocution" lessons and said, 'No'. She was offered a stylist and said, 'No'." Hmmmmm, that was clearly a mistake.
Other mouthy sorts in Fox said "Cheryl seemed uncomfortable as if she didn't like judging the acts. And at the end of the day that isn't what the TV execs wanted," while another informed soul spilling to The Mirror offered: "Instead of attending the Grammy Awards and the Coachella music festival, putting herself out there in America, she sat in her hotel room eating digestive biscuits."
It seems the fatalistic icing came in the form of Cheryl snubbing Paula Abdul's advances; such was Cole's level of negativity, Paula offered her a crystal healing. Cheryl - being a negative cloud of crumbs - declined.
Such is my level of interest, I might as well let Amanda Holden wrap things up. During a recent BBC Radio2 interview, Holden - not sounding at all desperate - offered these words of advice: "There is dark talk of Cheryl snubbing a return to British 'X Factor'. Please do not do this. You will regret it for a long time."