Hello, little known reality TV sort Anthony Kavanagh. When you're trying to impress co-stars, best leave alcohol soaked waifs with foul mouths and open wounds at home.
Let's back track. Some dude called Anthony Kavanagh, who was drafted in to play Prince Charming in some panto in Milton Keynes after Ben Adams got struck down with something or other, invited Amy Winehouse along to a matinee yesterday "to impress the cast with his showbiz connections. But it backfired badly." That's a bit of an understatement.
According to The Sun, Amy "shocked" parents and kids by heckling the cast, shouting "he's f***ing behind you." Seemingly the abusive caterwauling continued for over an hour and a half, with Winehouse spewing highly intelligent quips like "F*** Cinders, Prince Charming, marry me" and calling the Ugly Sisters "bitches". She then busied herself roaming up and down the aisles of the theatre, which caused "kids in the 1,400-strong audience cry."
To top things off nicely: "She refused to be ushered to a box after the interval and allegedly launched herself at front-of-house manager Richard Pound - allegedly pulling his hair, punching him and kicking him between the legs." Pound was quick to involve the police. Not that that will do any good. Amy will just maintain she was acting out of self defence 'cause he's bigger than her, or some other flimsy sh*t that'll inexplicably stand up in court.
So, just who was Anthony trying to bowl over with his showbiz links? Mickey Rooney (who's obviously still being worked to the bone by his son); Bobby Davro aaannnd Anthea Turner... *tumbleweeds*
As for making an impression, mission accomplished with Turner's fairy godmother. One source who witnessed their interval meeting saying: "She was so spaced out and told Anthea, 'I love you, Anthea, sticky-back plastic, I love you.' It got worse because Amy had a cut on her wrist and bled all over Anthea."
I laughed when I read that. Shame then followed. Then there were some welling tears for the state of mankind, and a covert heave into the wastepaper basket. It's a confusing time.