Celebrities are beyond jammy. Didn't you know, once you've made a name for yourself in one field in the public eye, this automatically means you're a super talented artist in all fields of culture. So grab yisser bits of old charcoal and a snappy berry, or perhaps even an antique typewriter - you're going to take over the world of fine oooooorrrt/literature.

Lots of people have done it *doffs cap at Ronnie Wood et al* but none have been quite as mediocre as Keanu Reeves. You see, that's what happens when you start off not being able to act / write music / other and then make the side step into oooooooort / book selling.

He's opted to venture down the "ironic" route. I think... anyway, this is how it all started: "I was in my kitchen hanging out with my friend Janey, and the radio was on - and this station was playing, like, an orgy of depressing, self-pitying, nostalgic music. You know: 'I'm just so lonely and I've been left and my heart is broke.' It was so voluptuously horrible. And I just started to write on this piece of paper, because I had this image of, you know, the moment when you take a bath, you light that candle, and you're really just kind of depressed. And it was making Janey laugh so hard, I just l kept going, piling on the self-pity."

So what did he write: "I draw a hot sorrow bath... In my despair room... With a misery candle burning... I wash my hair with regret shampoo... After cleaning myself with pain soap... Then I put on my 'alone again' silk pajamas."

I get the bathroom being a despair room, who doesn't *grimaces* and the sentiment behind the Alone Again pJs (we all have them... don't we?), but are the rest of the statements worth making a book out of? Or commissioning some LA (I can afford to be an) ortist by the name of Alexandra Grant to throw up blurry potato paint inspired images to accompany them? I'm not bitter?

Janey, the broad who laughed so hard she decided to become editor of Ode To Happiness, informed The Guardian of the following during an interview: "There's a great Japanese tradition galled Haiga. 'Hai' as in Haiku (and there I thought 'Hai' meant 'yes') and 'ga' meaning painting - painting and text working together. And in this book there's definitely a Japanese sumi-e ink quality to the drawings. So I think we're on to something." Painting and text working together, you say. How novel. How novel to have graphics beside the text of a story, how graphically novel... In case you're wondering, the Guardian journalist who conducted the interview said Janey wasn't being ironic, she was in fact "trying to steer the conversation in a serious direction."

Keanu Reeves' "ironically self-indulgent" debut book, which was two years in the making (seriously), is now available in Waterstones...