Wayne Rooney's dad, who looks like a reasonable sort *tumbleweeds* (at least it's clear where Wayne Jr. gets the potatoe ['cause his nose looks like a disembodied toe protruding from a potato] gene from) has been arrested, alongside Wayne's uncle, for being involved in some dodgy betting scheme or other.

The Sun, as ever, are all over it: "Wayne Snr and England striker Rooney's Uncle Richie, 54, are said to be two of nine people being quizzed over the alleged scandal.The arrests took place in Liverpool and Glasgow this morning in relation to a game between Scottish sides Motherwell and Hearts in December last year. Motherwell midfielder Steve Jennings was also arrested after allegedly getting himself sent off deliberately during the match. He was sent off for dissent toward the end of the game at Motherwell's ground Fir Park, which Hearts won 2-1. A statement issued by the Scottish Football Association and attributed to the Gambling Commission said the arrest followed 'extensive irregularities' between the two teams. Chief executive Stewart Regan said: 'While the investigation involves several other individuals outwith Scotland, it is important to stress that the evidence gathered throughout this thorough period of investigation has involved only one Scottish match. Motherwell FC are aware of the situation and will issue a response in due course. The Scottish FA will make no further comment at this stage'."

Still awake? Right so, Merseyside Police had this to add: "Detectives have today executed warrants at ten addresses across Merseyside and Glasgow and arrested nine men as part of an investigation into suspicious betting activity. The arrests are the culmination of a joint operation with the Gambling Commission and the nine who have been arrested for conspiracy to defraud are being interviewed by detectives. Those arrested are a 29-year-old from Bootle, a 48-year-old from West Derby, a 54-year-old from Norris Green, a 26-year-old from Croxteth, a 22-year-old from Kirkdale, a 31-year-old from Litherland, a 68-year-old from Fazakerley, a 36-year-old from Kirkby and a 26-year-old from Glasgow. The investigation relates to a match between Motherwell and Hearts on December 14, 2010."

If I were into football, or how corrupt it is, or betting, or betting on football, here's where I would usually try to make a witty quip. As that's unlikely to happen, I could go down the route of "Wayne, it's still not as bad as John Terry's mum shoplifting or his dad trying to sell coke, it's not worth losing your hair over."