The New York Premiere of Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps took place Monday night, and all everyone keeps banging on about is how great Courtney Love looks.

Granted, given the amount of substances her liver's had to filter she's not looking bad, if a little masky. And I wouldn't be doing my job if I failed to point out how flaky her fake tan looks. However, it looks like someone's done my job for me; hence the death stare followed by a roar of some sort.

Realistically, there are far more pressing conversational topics this red carpet gallery can rouse. Here's a list.

* How handsome  Michael Douglas looks while bravely battling throat cancer. 
* How wonderful his radiant wife looks.
* Why didn't Carey Mulligan and Shia LeBouf want to be photographed together? Have they split?
* Why did Susan Sarandon choose a dress that makes her breasts resemble lopsided coconuts. Is she in fact smuggling hefty coconuts?
* Why was Courtney Love invited to this in the first place?
* Why aren't more crazy ladies in movies?