Bruce Forsyth's lanky lovechild has been sending explicit text messages to a 23-year-old page three merchant - eight months after his wife, Tess Daly, gave birth to his second child. Our survey says this is a clear case of "Hmmmm, my wife probably earns more than me. Is more visually appealing than me. She's even a fancy underwear model. She's also brought two children into the world... I must reinforce my dwindling self-confidence by jeopardising it all to flirt with a bit of random fluff I met at a Bolton hotspot."
A friend of the couple went to The Sun to spill: "Vernon has been sending inappropriate messages to Rhian (Sugden) and it's come back to bite him on the a***. He's never had sex with her, but clearly sending a Page 3 girl sexually suggestive messages is not a wise thing to do. He feels pretty stupid about sending them to her now and is obviously worried what Tess is going to say. She's just had a second child with him so this is the last thing she'll want to hear."
And what of these text messages? Well, the paper "declined to print them because many are of an explicit nature." That's a first. The ones (allegedly) between Rebecca Loos and David Beckham were hardly fodder for Mills 'n Boon.
As for the people Vern works with on Family Fortunes, why they're horrified that an possibly self-emasculated married sort would send naughty texts to a hot bird: "Vern gives the impression of being completely squeaky-clean. He spends more time talking about things like green belts and litter louts than he does the opposite sex. I'm gobsmacked he's been carrying on like this. It just goes to show, you think you know someone, then along comes something like this."
What did the "source" expect him to do? Sidle up during a rehearsal saying "Here, look at this top lass I met in Bolton on night ou'! WOoooOoah, don't she look like a right goer. She's the bulb off my missus, only younger, like. And trashier. And giggles more. She makes me feel rightly manly an' that, even though I know she's only using me to bring her baps to a public domain, but I've not given her one, like. I'm married, me. Nah, in this case, OUR SURVEY SAYS crack one off on the sly! *proffers thumbs* Right, can you not make my hair look like it's been moulded on with a trowel? Ta."
We'll be sure to update you if Vernon is advised to cart himself off to rehab for text addiction.