Well. Last night's viewing was  a little disturbing, I think you'll agree. The proceedings kicked off with audio of Verne on the jacks, informing Big Brother that he wouldn't be "leaving anytime soon" so the rest of the housemates would have to learn what the task held for them without him. This motivated Michelle to merrily chime "Who'd have thought he'd have that much sh*t in him?!" Nice.

The task involved the re enactment of "pivotal" events during the contestants' time in the house. Verne, the appointed director, had them play their entrances into the house. Ben's was particularly amusing as he enthusiastically sang about how he was going to be "realheely niiiice to everybaawdy!" Ulrika, meanwhile, shuffled in the door, saying she was going to moan about missing her 40 odd children a lot.

Things started to turn disturbing when the American housemates relived their Best of British quiz. Verne chose to be in a baby chair for this scene, possibly for camera angle/height purposes. Fair enough. Then he depicted himself punching LaToya for not listening to him. He then had a "baby tantrum". So unnerving was his enactment that a silence befell the housemates and LaToya was quick to inch away. All well and good, I say.

What happened next, however, has truly offended some readers of... The Sun. Upon watching it myself, there was a feeling of being visually violated, but I was captivated by Verne's willingness to portray himself in such a way. It was just unfortunate that it involved one of the infant dolls 'Benchelle' had to adopt during their first weekly budget challenge. Behold the visual. Now imagine Verne's extended tongue and the sound of "alalgghlallalughlalal... AGGHLARGHAGILHAAGH" invading your ears.
To quote a Channel 4 representative, who was responding to the flurry of complaints: "Verne was re-enacting the party where he was flirting with Mutya and the other girls." Indeed, prior to desecrating the dolly, all in the name of entertainment, Verne chatted "Mutya" up, murmuring: "Hey, Mutya. I know you wanna leave, but before you go can you just save a spot in bed for me and I will give you some special loving. We don't have to tell anyone else. Hey - do you want to ride my scooter?" An enraged Sun reader steamed: "It's sick. Men of Verne's age should not be snogging babies on TV - real or not. The producers should have said something to Verne, but it was not taken seriously at all." A 40-year-old midget, inviting a newborn doll back to his room via a spin on his mobility scooter, before said doll gets viciously tongued, is extremely sinister on paper. Seeing it for oneself, however, was just f***ing WARPED and led to a bout of uber nervous giggling from myself, which then progressed to a heaving fit. I then set about envying my housemate, who gave up watching this a week ago.

There will be a surprise double eviction tonight. Ben is the favourite to go, which is a shame now that I've decided I want him to win. Think about it - he's good looking, he's the only one who doesn't have a pack mentality and guffaws like a bawdy baboon, he's good looking, he's made some jokes in the last few days (namely a Michelle's expense), he's thoughtful, he's good looking and he's probably the most mature person in there.
Last Night's Highlights: Big Brother ordering Coolio and Terry to "cuddle until further notice", and permitting Ulrika to "only speak Swedish"... Ulrika teaching Ben some phrases... Ben profusely agreeing with Michelle when she said she never thought she'd last 'til week three. Ben then saying "I'm joking, sure who would I flirt with?" to which a scarily prophetic Michelle replied: "When I'm evicted tonight, you'll soon see what you're missing out on"... Terry's remarkable reimagining of Tina... Last Night's Lowlights: Ben, tellingly, letting Michelle hack away at his hair even though, as Coolio pointed out, "he's leaving in a couple of days"... Upon Michelle's eviction, Verne saying: "Why are all the women leaving?" Ulrika retorting "Ask all the men"... LaToya saying Michelle had gained weight since being in there... What We Can Expect Tonight: Verne in this regalia for some All American task... Terry in a fat suit eating cherry pie, (I'm assuming sarcastically) exclaiming "I don't wanna end up looking ridiculous"... Patches being evicted...