In one of the best celebrity endorsements since Pele gleefully warned us of the dangers of erectile dysfunction in a series of advertisements for Pfizer, Celebrity Big Brother winner Ulrika Jonsson has become the new, urm, face of incontinence. Ulrika has suffered from LAI (Light Adult Incontinence) since her first pregnancy and wants to use her position of fame to try to bring light to the ailment. "The fact is that nearly five million women under the age of 40 suffer from this embarrassing condition," she said. "It's a staggering number – but it's little wonder that women keep quiet. Which is, as far as I'm concerned, shameful."

You'll be delighted to hear, dear reader, that Ulrika's treatment appears to be paying off and she's back in control of all her faculties, thanks to her "slaving away at my pelvic floor muscles". Charming. Keep fighting the good fight, Ulrika.

-John Balfe

(Sheena McGinley is away)