If you were hoping for sweat patches, like I was, you'll be disappointed. Most folk on last night's Telly BAFTA (winner's list here, Fair play Mr. O'Carroll. To quote one of our Facebook followers, Alan Horkan, he's "hardly the first Irishman to sell manure to the British") red carpet went for floaty summary numbers, apart from Miranda Hart (what's new) and Jenny Agutter, who got confused and came as an Oscar.
Apart from those clammy numbers, there were one or two other eyebrow raisers gracing the carpet, such as Miranda Raison's ode to 'Missoni on Meth', Made in Chelsea's Ollie Locke came clad in velvet and therefore got a torrent of sweat in his eyes, Louise Redknapp seemed determined to make her torso look longer than her legs, and - quite frankly - there just wasn't enough cleavage on display, Godnammit.
Amy Childs, none. Although, in this instance, she seemed more concerned on highlighting her arse last night. Karren Brady, none (by the way, I'd just like to point out that this is the coolest BAFTA picture ever. Just don't tell Keith Lemon). Michelle Keegan, none. Davina McCall, none. Emily Atack, none. Katherine Kelly, none. Kelly Brook, not nearly as much as we've grown accustomed to. And she looks itchy.
Of course, there was ole reliable Holly Willoughbaps, but they seemed a bit off kilter.
Lastly, Kate Thornton, not sure what you were doing there (she's been cut from Loose Women), but step away from the Botox or your face will start emulating your static career *laps from tea cup*
Also in attendance: Ricky Gervais' "I'M AT AN AWARDS SHOW" facial expression (in case you're in any doubt, here it is again), the man of my dreams, Jeremy Piven (his hair plugs appear to be taking over), Alex Jones (attempting to outshine the sun), Zoe Hardman (see Jones, Alex), Tamsin Greig, Jack Whitehall and yer man from Inbetweeners, Ken off Corrie, Tracy off Corrie, Lauren off EastEnders, Suranne Jones, Benedict Cumbersnatch's roots, your esteemed host for the evening, Matt Cardle for some reason and many more...