Don't worry. It'll all stop soon *rocks back and forth*. They're due to cut their respective holidays "short" to meet on Thursday to discuss their future - but Peter's only meeting up to discuss joint custody of the kids as they're his "main priority". Katie's precedency, meanwhile, appears to be pissing off the Muslim locals in the Maldives by sunbathing topless. She's also piddling off Pete by posing for photos with Junior and Princess Whatsherface while on holidays, which are allegedly "being touted for six figure sums."

Pete, speaking to "a friend", said: "I am in pieces. The split is all too raw still and it's far too painful for me to even consider talking about (Katie has offered her exclusive story to OK!). I'm never going to pose for pictures the way Kate has - not for any money in the world. It's wrong and I don't know what she's playing at." She's making money by compromising any passing morals, much like last week's fired Apprentice candidate, Mona Lewis, who blathered about a conversation she allegedly had with Jordan at a Brighton club two months ago:

"Katie said she wanted this new man (thought to be Andrew Gould - the horsey dude she was pictured with in Bristol who isn't gay, but married), but also her family life with Peter Andre. She said her children meant the world to her, but she didn't love Peter and was totally dismissive of him... She started telling me about her marriage and my jaw just dropped. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I went up to ask her for a photo and next thing she was telling me her marital problems. We're both mums so we started talking about our kids. Then Katie said to me: 'I may as well tell you that me and Pete are splitting up'... She told me: 'I want out because I am in love with someone else but I'm trying to keep it together for the children'. Then she took her wedding ring off and put it in my hand. She said: 'Have it. It means f*** all to me'. It weighed a ton but she couldn't have cared less about it. I could have run off with it there and then. I tried to give it back but she wouldn't take it. I had to grab her hand and practically force it back on her wedding finger."

The ring obviously didn't cost as much as Mona's blabbing fee. Now she can buy all the diamonds in the world, MMMWAAAHAWWHAWWHAAAW.  In other happenings: "Two major record labels are said to be in a £1.5million bidding war to get their hands on Peter's comeback album" *skips off to chemist to purchase sack of earplugs*