What rumour REALLY gets on Paris' wick?: "The one that 'she doesn't work'. I am literally running a huge corporation. I have my clothing lines, my champagne, my watches, shoes and purses and dog clothes - every sort of product you can imagine. I am doing movies. I am doing my record right now, producing, starring in a TV show. So it is a 24 hour, seven day-a-week job. I work all the time, so I laugh when I hear people say that."

What else sits on Paris' wick?: "It is okay for paparazzi to go to a press event or a red carpet but when it is every single day when you are going to the market or the tanning salon or to lunch with your family, it is a lot of pressure always having to be 'on'. Sometimes there will be 50 or 100. They are like rats. All my cars are completely scratched up from their battery packs and cameras. They jump on your car and dent the windows."

By "tanning salon" and "lunch" I'm sure she means "totally important marketing research" and "pressing board meeting". And we'll address the matter of "dented windows" another day - instead I'd like to spend the time more wisely, reporting on the fact that two of her ten dogs were savaged by coyotes during the week. According to the New York Post: "Neighbors and paparazzi have found some of her pooches roaming the streets after they broke free from her place after she carelessly left the doors open and lost track of them. As for the coyote attack... Hilton didn't even find the dogs' bodies until the next day - long after they should have been fed and accounted for."

Those darn annual return reports and hanging around with fake best friends is really bloody time consuming, I tell yis.