Ah Tinder, basically the Russian roulette of the dating world. Most of the time you meet relatively normal folk and have an average night usually involving too many drinks but sometimes you meet someone who will provide you with a story you can dine out on for the rest of your life, and sure it's worth it for that alone.
One such story happened to a fella who goes by the alias of 'Liam Smith' and we're sorry, but you can all stop swiping now because nothing will ever top this date. It started standard enough, they went to Nandos, as you do, ended up back at his for a bit of "Louis Theroux and chill", as Liam calls it. Nothing unusual there. And then his date took a bathroom break, and well, that's when things started to go awry.
Liam says, "She returned with a panicked look in her eye and told me she had something to tell me."
"I went for a poo in your toilet," she told him. "And it would not flush. I don't know why I did this, but I panicked," she continued. "I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window".
Liam goes on to say, "I was understandably concerned, and told her we would go outside, bag up the offending poo in the garden, bin it, and pretend the whole sorry affair had never happened. Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, separated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window. It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo."
What then followed was a genuinely impressive display of gymnastics from his date as she attempted to crawl out said window and fetch the offending poo, which she managed to do, fair play to her, however, getting back out again was a different matter.
"Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window," Liam said. "She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap. Here is a picture to illustrate:"
After 15 minutes of trying to get her out, Liam grew concerned for the health of his upside down date, and the Bristol fire brigade had to be called... and he has the photograph to prove it:
His date was put back the right way up and all was well thankfully, however the ordeal resulted in the bathroom window breaking, which leads us to the GoFundMe page that student Liam has set up hoping to raise the £300 to replace the window.
He added that if he somehow made more than he needed, then everything above would be divided between two charities; "First, toilet twinning, a charity building and maintaining flushing toilets in the developing world. 60% of people worldwide don't have access to a flushing toilet, which, when you think about it, really is pretty shit," Liam said.
"Second, to the firefighters' charity. The guys who came to the house were brilliant, took everything in good humour, and professional. This call out was pretty funny, but they do risk their lives on a daily basis, and the firefighters' charity provides financial, psychological and medical help to the brave men and women who risk their lives for us."
— Avon Fire & Rescue (@AvonFireRescue) September 5, 2017
Already Liam has exceeded his target, with author Caitlin Moran even getting involved and donating to the cause....
So the date ended with her upsidedown in the window trying to reclaim a poo ... best GoFundMe EVER: https://t.co/VdLMQXeH96
— Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) September 5, 2017
Liam also clarified that he was keeping him and his date anonymours and that she knows about the GoFundMe page and is "cool with it".
No word on when the wedding is yet but we're sure it's only a matter of time.
Check out the full story and donate to the cause if you wish at Liam's GoFundMe page here.