The programme that brought us Carol Thatcher urinating beside her bed, is now bestowing us with such visual delights as tennis ace Martina Navratilova, 71-year-old George 'Sulu' Takei, and Esther Rantzen. As predicted yesterday, we're also getting Dani Behr (there're no photos of her in the jungle regalia, wardrobe are probably in the midst of modifying a pair of shorts to accommodate that wily left hip), Joe Swash (who still has a face that makes my palms itchy), Simon Webbe and someone called Carly Zucker (she's a personal trainer who's engaged to England midfielder Joe Cole). Also filed under the 'Who the F**k is That?' is Brian Paddick (he's a "gay ex-Met deputy") and Nicola McLean (mandatory tits on a twiglet topped with a generically pretty head. No wonder one of the papers mistook her for Abi Clancy). Ah, and how could we forget about Robert Kilroy-Silk...

A show source said: "It's going to be a fantastic year. As always the production team have gone all out to get some great and interesting names into the jungle." The production team are taking the piss. There's NO one in that line up remotely worth ogling. Simon Webbe at a push (he resembles Sade too much for my liking), and perhaps tits on a bewigged twiglet features, just for fantasy's sake.

On the upside, Andrew Sachs' bloody granddaughter isn't making an appearance. That and we might get some light geriatric flirting in the form of Takei and the plank Paddick. OK, so Takei's married but where else is the entertainment going to come from? A Navratilova / Rantzen tryst? The WAG doing some press ups? Dani Behr's left hip pointing in the direction of the hidden chest?

One thing is already set in stone - Ant and Dec will be looking more despondent than ever this year.

This steaming pile of skitter starts this Sunday at 9.00pm on UTV and TV3. The sooner Aine's version gets commissioned, the better.