The 'worst penalties ever' has been done many times before, we're aware of that, but not like this it hasn't. The standard top 10 format has been eschewed here for a more interesting form of segregation. So without further ado, we present 'A collection of terrible penalties separated into varying levels of awfulness that are not necessarily connected except for the fact that they all involve people kicking a ball at a goal, badly.' Catchy isn’t it?
The 'Neymar' Division.
We thought we'd start off with a headline grabbing one. Neymar is indisputably one of the best players in the world. How then could he appear on a list that shows footballers failing miserably at one of the most basic skills. We present to you exhibit A and then, for good measure, exhibit B right after that.
You needn't worry Lionel.
The 'I fell over' Division.
And now a division more fitting of this column's title. Here follows people falling over as they attempt penalties. The second one is pretty poor quality, but stick with it, you get a nice slo mo at the end.
Two vastly differing examples of the 'fall over' here. The first guy seems a bit too cocky and tries the fancy stutter step routine. Nobody likes a show off, especially if you have nothing to 'show off,' so screw that guy. The second fella really bloody goes for it and makes a complete mess of things. The lesson here, don't try your hardest at anything because when you fail, and you will, you'll be even more embarrassed.
The 'Celebrity' Division
A category for you to vent all your anti American rhetoric.
The first one is a classic and you were probably expecting it after you saw the division title. But then again, we live in the internet age where people have 3 second time spans and expect instant gratification without putting any thought or hard work into things, so you probably weren't.
The second one is kind of worrying. How the f*ck could Will Smith be that bad? He certainly has the appearance of a guy who was maybe into sports before Jazzy Jeff came along and you would imagine he has had to swing a body part at a stationary object at some point in his life. Judging on this evidence, perhaps not.
The 'Pass back' Division
Does what it says on the tin. Or does it? Penalties so bad we termed them 'back passes' to help communicate their awfulness? Not so fast.
In a sport where cheating and diving is rampant, it's pleasant to witness such genuine sportsmanship. Is there any player in the premier league who would do the same?
I know what you're saying, they scored so how can it be considered a terrible penalty but technically the guy did miss the penalty. Also it's clever and we'd never come across it before. I have a feeling something like this would be disallowed today or surely we'd be seeing it attempted every week.
The 'Vauxhall Conference'
After many hours scouring the internet, and months of going to every game I could and recording every single penalty (I may have only done one of these things), we present to you, the worst of all.
This has to win for the simple fact that the ball never once moves towards the goal. In all the other examples above, say what you will, but the ball does begin its journey to the goal. This one takes a sharp right at the penalty spot and never loooks back. Quite a feat.
The 'I have no idea what even happened' Division.
