Oh, you're actually reading something? That's good. Good for you.
There's nothing quite like a barbed putdown or underhanded aside to really get at someone. Passive-aggression, sure, it might be petty and mean. But sometimes, it's just what you need.
So, if you find yourself in a situation where you need to bust out a dig, any of these will help.
"You look well-rested. You looked like you needed it."
This'll play on their minds for days. Did I look THAT tired? Oh God, I need to stop working as much. You follow this up with...
If someone's leaving earlier than you and you want them to feel bad, deploy this. Also, throw in an eyebrow-arch for maximum effect and possibly go up on the day. Just to add to the incredulity of someone leaving before you.
"That's so weird, I'd never expected the two of yous together."
Use this one if someone's in a new relationship and you can't actually believe he / she scored so well. This works if the couple is clearly off-balance, i.e. one's a reacher and the other's a settler. You know the ones we're talking about. Here's an actual, visual representation.
"Oh yeah, they're from ______ and you'd know it, too."
It doesn't have to be anywhere specific. It could literally be anywhere. It could be the Moon. All that's need is the inference of wherever they're from, it ain't good.
"You covered that spot really well! You wouldn't even notice it!"
Oh yes. This implies that your makeup skills are poor and that you've got oily skin. Double-hit. Boom.
"I MUCH prefer your hair shorter / longer."
Your mother deploys this one with ease. Learn from her.
"The bit of weight suits you."
Hey, you know what? Maybe it does. So f**k you.
-I'm going out tonight. "Again?"
YES. AGAIN. I HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE. I'LL HAVE A DRINK ON A WEEK-NIGHT IF I WANT TO.
"I don't know if it'd be your type of thing."
This, again, can be used for anything. Trendy bar, intellectual type film or, y'know, an art gallery thing. It doesn't have to be any of those. That's the beauty of this.
"Oh, you _____. Yeah, that makes sense."
What makes sense? WHAT?
That's all we can think of right now because, well, we've got other stuff to be doing? Yeah. So why don't you leave some comments below of your favourite passive-aggressive comments and we'll totally read them.