Photos from the X Factor auditions have been released, with the usual unnerving older people (Rob from Cardiff; Cathy from Glasgow; Joint Venture from London), lunatics (Michael from London; Wagner from Birmingham; G and S from Glasgow), abundantly pregnant ladies (Stacey from London), lookalikes (Pixie Lott/Duffy; Jordan/Mrs. Snuffleupagus; Les Dawson; The Cosby Show's Vanessa Huxtable ; and Kieron from Delorentos); clones from the previous series (here we have Lauren from Cardiff, doing last year's Lloyd Daniels, and Nial from Dublin doing the previous year's Eoin Quigg), and standard pretty sorts (A, B, C, D, E, F and G).

Thing is, though, try as they might, these contestants aren't nearly as entertaining as the ones from Britain's Got Talent. Nary a tasselled nipple or acrobatics in sight... although some did come close.

Dwayne from Dublin tried to embody an X, while Hazel from Manchester, Damien  and Carole from Manchester, and Tanja from London really got their backs into it. As for costumes, well, this lady from Cardiff decided to go as a witch, while Lode from Dublin came as a tiger rug in converse. Then there were the groups, the most enthused of which were Temple Fire... from Dublin. We're sensing a theme, here...

X Factor starts this coming Saturday at 7.30pm on TV3 and UTV. If you fancy seeing how Charlie Brooker's fiancé *bites fist* fairs as Holly Willoughbap's replacement, check her out on the Xtra Factor from 9.00pm on TV3.