My, Hugh Hefner moves fast for an eighty-odd-year-old. He's only bagged himself two new girlfriends, in the form of 19-year-old twins called Kristina and Karissa Shannon, in the wake of his break-up with Holly Madison.

Hef said: "With my sperm count, it's not possible. I was willing (suuuuuure) but it was not possible... She'd like to be married and have children, but it's not in the cards here for me". Of his new totty, he said: "They very much want to be girlfriends and now under the present circumstance, they probably will become my girlfriends."

Sure, why wouldn't 19-year-old twins want to snuggle up to an 82-year-old man at night?! Especially if they're jailbait... According to TMZ: "Karissa and Kristina Shannon - who have recently moved into the Playboy Mansion - were both busted by St. Petersburg, Fla. police for felony aggravated battery back in January. They both received probation and were ordered to pay restitution to the two victims. Karissa also has a misdemeanor battery charge on her record from 2007."

It's all gone a bit Boogie Nights...