Whatchat got there, Guy Ritchie's gerralfriend? Is it another baby bump? But you only gave birth last September. What's that all about cultivating a massive brood being all part of your grand plan since time began?

Whatcha got there, Anne Hathaway? A sexy woodland nymph costume to go with the hair? Seriously though, this get up is stunning on you and is vastly more fitting in countless ways than the New York premiere effort. Oh, and I can tell you now she's not pregnant - there's no way she could stand the ladies flying free like that if she was.

Whatcha got there, Marion Cotillard? The smallest waist/bodice ever made?

Whatcha got there, Peaches Geldof? Your dad circa 1975 with a suitably gicky suit 'n everything?

Whatcha got there, Joseph Gordon Levitt? It all?

Whatcha got there, JLS's Oritse? A headache in jacket form?

Whatcha got there, Made in Chelsea's Kimberly Garner? Mandatory side boob?

And what haven't you got there nipple wielding randomer? Oh, yes, a bra. Her name is Rebecca Ferdinando by all accounts. Apparently she's an actress who's evidently trying to make a name for herself. 

Also in attendance Pixie Lott in a damp rimmed house dress, Mae West's nightie (which, judging by the background folk, was showcasing some crack), Cillian Murphy looking slightly more alive (must've had a kip since New York, that or he really hates ties), Tom Hardy, Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, Benedict Cumberbatch, Dionne Bromfield and your wan who used to be on X Factor having a few laughs, Dakota Blue Richards in a dress I want, Emily Atack, two thirds of  The Wanted (Max George might have been there, but was otherwise detained with an over zealous fan), this shower of shitehawks (speaking of which), Will Poulter and many more…

> Bale spends 3.5 hours in London for premiere then jets back to Paris.