After going for a "quiet early bird", which then turned into "the one" in the local, which then - several beverages later - morphed into "one for the ditch" in the more local local, before falling through the door at 1.30am armed with a salt and vinegary sopped bag filled with so much more than the proposed "small chips", I wasn't in fine fettle yesterday.
Things weren't aided by the fact that we insisted cracking into a bottle of questionable wine while peering at recordings of Episodes (brilliant) and 10 O'Clock Live (beyond brilliant. David Mitchell is fast becoming a saucer-eyed demi-god of debate) until near 5 in the morning (we obviously had to keep rewinding ad nauseam). Thankfully I'd also had the foresight to record the British Comedy Awards, they'd surely bring a glimmer of warmth into an otherwise grey, fear flourishing Sunday, yes? Nay.
Firstly, Miranda Hart appeared to win everything. I'm all on for females winning stuff in a male dominated world, but having watched Miranda *whispers* and I didn't find it that funny. OK, if you find someone falling over a lot hilarious, peppered with well-worn clichés regarding the alleged plight of singletons, then this is a half-hour of hoots for you. In saying that, the fact she won three awards means I might have to revisit the series.
Charlie Brooker won something, which was nice. It was for Best Comedy Entertainment Programme for Newswipe, where he managed to get away with blanking one half of the award presenting duo (that being Tinchy Stryder). I would've loved to have seen how awkward it could have been had he won Best Comedy Entertainment Personality - an award presented by a trio of oiks from The Only Way is Desperation. On the upside, winner Harry Hill had employed a manic midget Wagner to accept the accolade on his behalf, which involved much squawking and the swift removal of the perfunctory bauble from the bemused blonde's paws.
Other category winners that were slightly perplexing (although even dressing proved to be a perplexing task yesterday) was Best Male Comedy Breakthrough Artist (John Bishop. Apparently he's only been shouting his head off on these shores for what seems like an eternity), and Outstanding Contribution to Comedy: Russell Brand. The initial thought was "really?" This reaction was compounded when host Ross introduced a montage of Brand's best moments, most of which involved dry humping a mic stand and using the term "whither" with aplomb.
But then Brand made his acceptance speech (from L.A., one of his friends was very ill so he couldn't travel). Like many of the other acceptance speeches, it was often aimless and far too lengthy (and this one had the luxury of being edited as it was a pre-record), but then something magical happened. It went summink along the lines of this: "Charlie Brooker, you used to be on the outside, you used to be in your flat with the clock behind you saying stuff we all agreed with. Now you've got your, ooooh, celebrity hair do, your celebrity Blue Peter wife... COME BACK CHARLIE. COME BACK!!!"
Best comedy panel show: Would I Lie To You
Best comedy entertainment programme: Newswipe
Best comedy entertainment personality: Harry Hill (Harry Hill's TV Burp)
Best male TV comic: Michael McIntyre (Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow)
Best female TV comic: Jo Brand (QI)
Best new TV comedy: Miranda
Best male comedy breakthrough artist: John Bishop (John Bishop's Britain)
Best female comedy breakthrough artist: Samantha Spiro (Grandma’s House)
Best sketch show: Horrible Histories
Best sitcom: The Inbetweeners
Best TV comedy actor: Peter Capaldi (The Thick Of It)
Best TV comedy actress: Miranda Hart (Miranda)
Best British comedy performance in a film: Kayvan Novak (Four Lions)
Outstanding contribution to comedy: Russell Brand
Writers' guild of Great Britain award: Sam Bain and Jesse Armstrong (the men responsible for Peep Show, Four Lions, The Thick of It, Magicians and - weirdly - The Old Guys. Yes, it should be funnier)
British comedy lifetime achievement award: Roy Clarke
Those in attendance included a beautiful Goldie Hawn; an equally well-preserved Simon Le Bon (no comment re Nick); Jerry Hall; Jameela Jamil's left ear; Alice Eve's left nipple; Louie Spence's money maker; Wossy's missus; Rob Brydon; Vic Reeve's and Nancy Sorrell; Ulrika Jonsson's leathery goods; and Noel Fielding aping - and I quote - Jonathan Ross's "dog when he's dressed like Sherlock Holmes".