The very odd time we get a press release in that we have to publish verbatim - because it's so fantastical.
Feast yisser eyes on what the Cabra branch of Tesco have on offer this Valentines... Are you ready? Strap yerselves in, this is going to be one hell of a ride... I have, of course, bolded the key points.
"Tesco have launched its most romantic event to date, 'Love is in the Aisles', an exclusive Singles Night which will take place in Tesco Cabra on Monday, 13th February 2012, just in time to find love for Valentine's Day!
'Love is in the Aisles' will take the format of a speed dating event with a twist, with 40 exclusive places available for males and females looking for love. Participants will be sent on missions around the store to find products which best represent their personalities, along with a variety of other match-making games, with the most compatible couple at the end of the night winning a romantic dinner for two to the value of €200 in top Dublin restaurant, Pichet, on Valentine's Night. All those taking part in the event will receive a Valentine's goodie bag of romance to take home. Tesco Cabra will also be Ireland's most romantic supermarket on the night with music, champagne and chocolate tasting and much more.
Martyn Saunders, Tesco Cabra Store Manager, said: 'We are delighted to be hosting our very first singles shopping event of the Century at Tesco Cabra and we hope our customers will have fun with all of the in-store activities we have planned. Despite the credit crunch, we are committed to keeping love alive and look forward to romance blossoming in our aisles.'
For all your Valentine's needs, be sure to drop into your local Tesco. To find your nearest Tesco store, log-on to tesco.ie."
In case you're tempted, and who wouldn't be given the prospect of all the "in-store activities" involving "romance blossoming" in the aisle of Cabra's local Tesco, intending participants can enter to take part in 'Love is in the Aisles' by entering in-store in Tesco Cabra or through Q102's the Love Zone Show with Debbie Allen, 7pm to 9pm from Monday February 6th. "Event is open to strictly over 18's only."