He may be able to handle terrorists, but telly's Jack Bauer can't handle the vino.
Keifer Sutherland is in London with a view to promoting his new film, Twelve. Evidently, he thought the best way of doing this was to consume in excess of twelve drinks.
The following timeline of yesterday morning's events comes from The Sun:
"Sutherland, described by onlookers as 'absolutely screamingly paralytic', was even put in a headlock by bouncers as he lashed out.
10.40pm: The 43-year-old actor, born in the capital, is spotted outside The Covent Garden Hotel Bar before meeting a pal. Two hours later he is seen with five empty wine glasses on his table and heard ordering more.
2.00am: Sutherland is driven to Stringfellow's lapdancing club, where an insider said: "He went bananas, shouting nonsense and dancing like Peter Crouch before kicking off when asked to leave."
3.35am: Bouncers hustle him from the premises after a reported bust-up, exposing his tattooed torso as they muscle him to his car.
3.36am: Grim-faced security guards finally seem to have him under control.
3.40am: The battle to pour him into his motor continues as the actor staggers in the street.
3.45am: The dazed dad of one sits in the car until finally, at 4.00am: He falls into the street outside his hotel, giggling and with his jacket unbuttoned.
11.50am: Sutherland sits outside his hotel, recovering with a ciggie."
C'mere, if jail time for DUI and "defending Brooke Shields's honour" by headbutting innocent fashion designers doesn't drum home that you've an issue with the hooch, nothing will. Strip yourself silly and man grapple with nocturnal activity bouncers with all your might, you crazy bastid *ruffles hair*.... Wait a second. You've got a kid? Cop yourself on, you sad f***er, parents are a source of mortification at the best of times and there you've gone out of your way to add yet more pictorial fodder to your litany of online embarrassment that your poor offspring - or worse, their classmates - can willfully stumble upon. How are they going to have any respect for you when you don't have any respect for yourself! *dramatically clasps back of hand to forehead, flourishes out of the room*
