Paris, Pam, Colin and, er, Screech - they've all done it. For a while there celebrity sex tapes were all the rage. Everyone was doing it. Literally. It even seemed that releasing a sex tape was a bona fide good career move. But it's 2010 now. Are people still satisfied to see night-vision nookie which looks like it was filmed by a man in the final throes of a seizure? You must imagine that in this time of Avatar and big budget special effects that there will be 3D porn soon. Heck, George Lucas could probably use his computer effects jiggery-pokery and make a CGI porno starring Scarlett Johansson and James Dean if he wanted to.

Well the latest entrants into this (s)exclusive club are everyone's least favourite reality TV duo, Speidi. Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag announced their divorce last Friday to the overwhelming ambivalence of almost everyone. Now, Spencer is allegedly trying to sell his exclusive "home video library" to porn merchants Vivid Entertainment and pretending that his former beau Heidi isn't in on the act. Suuuuuure.

Spencer reportedly told a friend that the tape "makes Kim Kardashian look like an amateur." An amateur? So that makes you a.....professional? And if you're a professional, that makes you a .......? See where I'm going here? Also, claiming to be better than Kim Kardashian at something is akin to beating a kitten at scrabble. Everyone assumes you can do it, but the second you point it out it makes you look like a bit of a dick.

TMZ reports that Spencer Pratt is attempting to sell this tape for, wait for it, $5,000,000 and went on to comment, "When I realised how much Kim [Kardashian] was making, my logic is this is the best thing I can do for my ex-wife. Kim is on the cover of Allure right now. Heidi isn't on the cover of Allure." Spencer then gave Heidi the most alarmingly awful (not to mention kinda hilarious) ultimatum: "Either do another reality show with me or I'm going to release some amazing sexual content." Is it just me, or is that last sentence incredibly gross for more than one reason?

-John Balfe (Sheena is away)