This story came to light last week and it must've pushed it to the farther reaches of the mind as I completely forgot to post it. It was only when pictures of Shia's mother, Shayna, going in for the maternal "nose wipe" surfaced today that the actor's words came shuddering back.

"Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with her now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds." OK the sentiment is meant to be nice - he thinks his mother is only gorgeous, that's nice, right? Nope. Sorry, I tried putting myself in his Birkenstocks for a minute and it just didn't work. WRONG - and the reason why he'll be single for, ohhh, the rest of his days. Although, it is a really nice thing to say considering Shia's spent time in the company of Megan Fox... although, whenever she opens her gob, an unfortunate amount of turd tumbles out.

Funnily enough, Shayna spent a large part of the Transformers star's youth naked. There's nothing wrong with that on one level, but on another level... "That was strange for me, and it was really bizarre when my friends were there. You've got your little buds over, and mum's, like, playing naked connect the dots or whatever. She's in the middle of goddess-group time, where it's literally a bunch of naked women tracing auras around one another's bodies with incense and then sitting together and humming for prolonged periods of time."

See, the aura tracing is fine, it's the nuddie connect the dots that's giving me the willies.