BARS OF SOLID GOLD?!?! At a reported $125,000 a pop there'd want to be... Well, there isn't. On the upside, there is a silver necklace included which is engraved with the co-cordinates of the Dolby Theatre in case they get lost.
According to the International Business Times, everyone's a winner at this year's event. Who cares if you don't take home a miniature statue when you're guaranteed a bag bulging full of your wildest dreams.
The report stats that each star will reportedly get their mitts on "a three-night stay at a resort in Tuscany valued at $1,500, and a luxurious train ride through the Canadian Rockies valued at $14,500, and a "glamping" trip valued at $12,500."
After treading red carpets world wide, the exhausted nominees will also be treated to "natural French Mediterranean sea salts worth $1,500 and a Wellness 360 gift pack worth $1,200. A souvenir from the big night is included in the form of customised silver necklace inscribed with the latitude and longitude co-ordinates of the Dolby Theatre - the Academy Awards venue - at $150."
In case they can't afford transport to/from the event, there's a "year's worth of all-Audi A4 car rental from Silvercar valued at $20,000." And for those who own a limo, they're being provided with a $250 Haze vaporiser. You know how stuffy limos can get. Very drying for the skin.
After dieting for pretty much the last year, the famished famous are being furnished with "a gift certificate for a customised candy and dessert buffet worth $800."
And, for the kink in you, the sex toys. They include $250 Afterglow vibrator worth $250, an orgasm booster AKA the O-Shot valued at $5,000... (eh, no pressure, like) and luxury condoms which come in at $56 for a packet of 12.
Lastly, to the most expensive item in the bag - which is hilarious as I can't really see the likes of Robert Duvall or Wes Anderson tripping over themselves for a "$20,000 gift certificate to meet Enigma Life founder, Olessia Kantor as well as a Reset Yourself lifestyle makeover package worth more than $14,200."
Apparently he'll fly out to wherever you are to discuss your horoscope, analyise your dreams and have the bants about mind control techniques.
Money well spent all round.