Hang on... I've seen the exorbitantly illustrious adverts for Channel 5's new run of Celebrity Big Brother. Brian Dowling saying something along the lines of "We've got her, a proper celebrity." The only girls I can see in the proposed line up thus far is Sonia off EastEnders and underwear horse/charity panto absconder Georgia Salpa (although it's perfectly clear now why she couldn't commit to the whole run). We were promised The Lohan godnammit! Not that I'll be watching anyway; still "can't find" Channel 5 on the Sky Box.
Previous Celebrity Big Brother fodder Jedward had some surprisingly astute advice for Salpa; "Not to be desperate, not to have a breakdown and no showmances." So she'll probably cry incessantly, breakdown over having to clean up after a dinner, and swing out of Towie's Kirk Norcross 'cause that's her next goal in life - to appear on Towie. Still, it's better than having lipstick on your teeth in Aer Lingus' Sky Shopping magazine.
Others joining Salpa, Sonia and Norcross for tonight's launch reportedly include Nicola McLean (random boob job who also appeared on I'm a Celebrity…); Andrew Stone off Pineapple Dance Studio; Denise Welch off Loose Women; rapper Romeo; and bleedin' Frankie Cocozza - 'cause that's where being talentless drug dabbler will get you nowadays, kids.
The two faces which will be recognisable outside of the UK and Ireland are Michael Madsen (highpoint- playing Mr. Blonde in Reservoir Dogs, low point - being unable to "perform" while making a dodgy sex tape with two equally drug addled prostitutes) and Welsh rugby player Gareth 'Mickey Rourke's making a film about me inneeeh' Thomas.
Celebrity Big Brother kicks off tonight at 9pm on Channel 5, with Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side following at 11pm. You can see what conditions they'll be living under here. I trust the pool is heated. Either way, Georgia will enter it at some point.
