Mr. X Factor himself was good enough to spare Ryan Seacrest a few words, for his radio show, regarding Britney's performance on Saturday (which was viewed by over 16million people, according to somebody or other).

"To be fair, and this may be a bit egotistical, I think she was in awe of me. She was just staring at me. I said 'Touch me, I'm human' and I think that broke the ice." Where, behind her eyes? I would imagine it was less "awe" and more medded up to the hilt. Choosing to overlook this, Simon continued with: "Of all the artists I have ever had on any of these shows, there was more buzz, more excitement for this girl (than anyone else). It was as if the president was on the show. I love it. I think if you're going to be a star, be a star." A vacant, perpetually falling star, who possibly hasn't sung live in over a year. Simon, you've changed since you became a slave to ratings.

Speaking of changes - despite us all going weak at the knees at the mere sight of him, he's considering a break from TV: "But I am going to make a couple of changes. The contracts are all up at the end of next year and what I may well do is stop actually being on TV. Give up the panel. The thing that gets me is the schedule. Every day of my week is filled for the next year. (Fame) takes a lot and it's something I never wanted. I'm a music business person."

As for Britney: Off The Record, which aired on Sky One last night (and will, no doubt, be repeated repeatedly for the foreseeable future); did anyone else find it near impossible to watch? I personally managed a broken fifteen minutes, in which we saw Britney have a meal with some unrecognisable actors, Britney getting driven about the place, Britney jumping about onstage (not singing) with Madonna on November 7th, and Britney saying she doesn't feel like a "cool chick" anymore.

As TMZ put it: "There was no Britney Spears documentary last night, there was only propaganda. Funny that a feature film that was supposed to examine everything in her life conveniently glossed over the parts where she was placed on a 5150 psychiatric hold, flashed the no-no bits, hung around scumbags like Sam Lutfi and Adnan, and was placed under a conservatorship after being strapped onto a gurney - twice. Bottom line - Britney and MTV had an opportunity to help us understand the real Britney. Then again, when a Britney tell-all is sponsored by a Britney perfume line, how real could it possibly get?"