That's not Dannii there, of course, although it does look like her...
Simon Cowell's "unauthorised" tell-all book about his love life - entitled Sweet Revenge: The Intimate Life of Simon Cowell - (Louis Walsh doesn't feature as much as you'd assume) garnering quite the few column inches (specifically in The Sun, 'cause they're exclusively serialising the arse out of it), no more than the claim he diddled Dannii when he orchestrated her arrival on X Factor.
Despite the book being "unauthorised" it's riddled with direct quotes from the Cowell on the matter, such as: "I had a crush on her. It was Dannii's hair, the clothes and the t*ts. It was genuine love." Dannii must have fallen for his charming anatomical descriptions, as she engaged in a "brief affair" with the multimillionaire.
Seemingly he also tried it on with Cheryl Cole, but she wasn't as unfaithful as her then husband. He was slightly more complimentary about her, saying "I felt like a mouse being played with by a beautiful cat." Such prose. He went on to say "I adored her. And she got her own way, it drove Louis Walsh mad." Shocker.
Today, The Sun's World Exclusive focuses on the part where Simon discusses his last fiancée, she who will never be spelled correctly without great pains - Mezhgan Hussainy. More importantly, are his thoughts on his harem: "I’m attracted to crazy women (hence Paula Abdul). I encourage crazy behaviour and I make them crazy. I'm attracted to certain personalities who are difficult to control. So there are tantrums, tears and fights, which is all part of the drama. My life is really odd. "
It would seem he bit off more than he could chew with Hussainy. She was a bit too bats: "He wound up imploring friends not to leave him alone with Mezhgan, because her mistrust and anger made him feel suffocated."
Still at least he has the harem to fall back on: "Every girl wants to be number one and they're very territorial. I like the fight, because otherwise I'd have a dull group of girlfriends."
The Sun will no doubt have more nuggets from Simon Cowell's "unauthorised" book on the morrow.