Charlie, obviously doing some research for his pressing sticom role, got himself into an awful state in New York's Plaza Hotel yesterday and was hospitalised as a result.

Instead of throwing his/her hands up and declaring "What can I say, my client is an enabled, not to mention grossly overpaid piss artist who'll never change, wheeeee!", Sheen's spokesperson claimed his state was down to an "adverse allergic reaction to medication." That old chestnut. Maybe he'd consumed a rogue antihistamine before he locked the frantic hooker into the closet.

Apologies, I've jumped ahead of myself. Here's what happened according to The Sun:

"Actor Charlie Sheen was found naked in his trashed hotel suite yesterday after an alleged drugs and booze bender. The Wall Street star (of yore) was passed out on a bed and a woman - said to be a hooker - was locked in a wardrobe, sources claimed last night. One said: 'She was fearing for her life. Charlie was incoherent but started screaming at the cops.' Sheen, 45, is said to have accused the woman of stealing his wallet before throwing tables and chairs around the room at New York's posh Plaza Hotel. The woman claimed he had taken cocaine before 'flipping out', a US website reported yesterday... His spokesman blamed an 'adverse allergic reaction to medication' and denied illegal drugs were to blame. Sheen has battled booze and cocaine issues, and was ordered into rehab two months ago to avoid jail for a Christmas Day attack on wife Brooke Mueller, 33. He remained in hospital for mental health checks yesterday. Sources said he could return to rehab after his release today."

Ah, Charlie, you're such a cad. Maybe they can write that story into Two And a Half Men and the worrying amount of souls who watch your archaic ode to machismo can chuckle heartily in time with the canned laughter. Fun times.