The inevitable has happened. And it wasn't the well-documented drug binges, or the porn stars, the terrorising of a hooker in a New York hotel room while two of his kids were across the hall, or his failure to turn up to work cause of "ear infections", that led to the cancellation of probably the worst show on Comedy Central, it was the utterance of a few choice phrases on a radio show. Which, it has to be said, make for a rather entertaining read.
In fact, just hours after he launched the "bizarre verbal attack on his bosses", both CBS and Warner Bros confirmed they were "discontinuing production on Two And A Half Men for the rest of the series" (please let it be permanent, please let it be permanent *jigs*) in the wake of the actor's comments. Here's the statement: "Based on the totality of Charlie Sheen's statements, conduct and condition, CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of Two And A Half Men for the remainder of the season." Again, pleeeeease let it be permanent.
So what did Charlie say that was so bad? He called in to The Alex Jones Show and displayed no remorse for his recent hard partying and (alleged) antics with porn stars. Sheen also poured scorn on Alcoholics Anonymous and claimed that he has a "100 per cent" success rate in beating his own addictions, announcing: "Newsflash, I'm special. The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning. My success rate is 100 per cent. I was shackled and oppressed by the cult of AA for 22 years. I finally extracted myself from their troll hole and started living my life the way I want to live it. It's vintage, outdated and stupid, and it's followed by stupid people. I hate them violently. They will come at me. Debate me on AA right now. I have a disease? Bulls**t. I cured it right now with my mind." Yiiiiiisss. I don't know about you, but they sound like the words of a drunkard in denial to me.
He then went on to say the following of his uber tolerant Two And A Half Men bosses at CBS. He said: "I was told if I went on the attack, they'd cancel the show. Are they happy with the five billion dollars they made off me or do they want 10? I'm not fair game. I'm not a soft target. There's a new sheriff, and he has an army of assassins. My motto now is either you love or you hate and you must do so violently. I don't live in the middle anymore. That's where you get embarrassed. If you love with violence and you hate with violence, there is nothing that can be questioned." They also sound like the words of someone who's crawled back into his special Charlie suitcase.
Following his bosses' announcement, Sheen hit back and sent an angry (although he might deem it 'violent') open letter to a US blog. The letter was aimed primarily at the show's creator Chuck Lorre, calling him a 'maggot' and an 'earthworm' and wishing him 'pain'. "What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows. I fire back one and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels, especially if they wind up in my octagon... Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side by side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong. Remember these are my people - not yours. We will continue on together." Now, those sound like the words of a despotic leader of an octagon lair on some violent island called 'Sheenibia', populated with hookers, honk, swivel chairs, large white cats in need of petting, and millions upon millions of dollars for doing f*** all.
Sheen, who is currently enjoying a tropical holiday (on the aforementioned island, with the porn star, the new girlfriend, and his ex-wife Brooke Muller... relapse tastic), later continued his rant and even challenged Two And A Half Men creator Lorre to a dual. "If he wins, then he can leave MY show. He's a stupid, stupid little man and a p***y punk that I'd never want to be like. That piece of sh*t took money out of my pocket - my family's pocket - and, most importantly, my second family's pocket - my crew's pocket. You can tell him one thing - I own him."