All I know is that there were rumours that...

Alex Reid is writing his autobiography. Cue the barrage of expectant readers lining up around corners over night upon the book's release. Lol, JK; we're about as excited for this book filled with salacious (no doubt grammatically incorrect) information on his life as a MMA cross dresser as we were for Ronan Keating's latest album. Soz Ro. The only thing remotely interesting about Alex Reid is that his head looks like the talking statue head off Art Attack. It's rather uncanny... That Lady GaGa's former PA thinks the Born This Way star has no right to privacy, saying '[Gaga] is probably the last person in the world to care about her 'privacy,' exposing herself in all manner of bizarre and intimate ways for the world to see every day.' Touché... That Cheryl Cole's new fella WILL be faithful. This is headline news y'see, currently featuring as the top post by the folk over at The Sun. We're so conditioned to hearing about people messing poor Chezza about it's just unfathomable that this guy may be a good'un. Sad, isn't it? Also, the new bloke's tipped to wed the Geordie star. This isn't surprising though, given that marriage for celebrities is about as common and on trend as thick rimmed d*ckhead glasses are for hipsters... Lastly, that Tulisa is worried about how her sex tape could affect her career. Having a sex tape hasn't seemed to do anyone any harm so far in the land of 'slebville so don't you worry. See Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian for examples. I'd be more worried about your barnett if I were you, Tulz; it's painfully yellow. In her autobiography - 'cause at 24 she's just seen it all - Tulisa said "My job as a judge on The X Factor was to smile and be smart and funny. But underneath I was petrified of being made to look like a slapper in front of the nation." No, that thought never would have occured to us. Never.