Well, the Q Awards happened yesterday in London's Grosvenor House Hotel. Who knew? Meatloaf certainly didn't. When Al Murray introduced him as the winner of the Classic Song Award (and the term 'winner' is used loosely here as the Loaf didn't even write it, one Mr. Steinman did) it took the singer a reported five minutes before he made it to the stage. He then grabbed the oppertunity to sing "Queen hits like a half-cut karaoke singer" (which caused Kelly Jones to quip, "I bet Freddie Mercury is laughing his t*ts off up there." Kelly then had to go for a lie down) and only took his cue to leave some time later when the PA started blaring Bat Out of Hell, which was no mean feat for him considering he nearly propelled himself into audience more than a few times while onstage. He was rushed to hospital shortly afterwards suffering from a bout of "vertigo".

On the battiness scale, Grace Jones came a reported second, what with her Lurex ode to The Dark Knight and tonguing everything in sight. Jones accepted her award as Q Idol with a speech in which she "compared herself to Lazarus", which rendered her outfit a bit redundant. Adam Ant, however, did indeed come dressed as someone who would not have looked out of place in a 15th century Romanesque portrait. He won the Q Icon accolade (which is entirely different to Q Idol award) and graciously said: "It's good to be standing here. In fact, it's just good to be standing anywhere (with the exception of a police cell). I can't wait for the Coldplay royalties to come pouring in for the inspiration my outfits gave them."

Speaking of Coldplay, they received the award for Best Act in the World, which pretty much sums up the Q Awards. Chris Martin encapsulated the event further by commenting: "We're not trying to be cool, we're just trying to be the best band in the world. While all the others are off (I assume he means proper rock bands), we feel like substitute teachers." Awww, don't put yourselves down, Chris - you're far more musically adept than Oasis. You can play the piano.

OK, to put things into perspective - even Kimberly Stewart, whose raison d'etre is attending award shows, had a face on her - unlike Roger Daltry who's just happy "waking up in the morning."

Lastly, for those unfamiliar with Paul Weller's offprising, Nat, I'd to clarify that he's male. Madness I know. Those lips don't belong on a bloke... and don't get me started on the hair.