Yesterday, the news was consumed with Rihanna having half her arse out on the cover of Rolling Stone. Now that people have managed to tear their eyes away and move their attention to the rest of the magazine, we're being provided with a slew of excerpts from her interview.
Taking priority, of course, are her thoughts on Chris Brown, and anything to do with sex - like how she enjoys relieving herself with photographic aids (those being the image photographs provide, as opposed to a handy tripod), and being slapped about a bit, which leads to a (glaringly obvious) insight that brings 'sexy time with Rihanna' to an abrupt end.
Of Chris Brown and the downgrading of his restraining order, she said: "That's my decision. It doesn't mean we're gonna make up, or even talk again. It just means I didn't want to object to the judge... [Chris Brown and I] don't have to talk again ever in my life. I just didn't want to make it more difficult for him professionally. What he did to me was a personal thing - it had nothing to do with his career. Saying he has to be a hundred feet away from me, he can't perform at awards shows - that definitely made it difficult for him. That was the only thing it was going to change, so I didn't care. But you can never please people. One minute I'm being too hard, and the next minute I'm a fool because I'm not being hard enough."
Of being single since December, she said: "I'm not dating. I'm not sexing, I'm not even sexting. It's on complete nil... You think you're disappointed? Try being in this body (*cue thunder of stampeding feet*)... When you're not with the person you want to be intimate with, a picture is the next best thing. Well, Skype is safer. But a picture lasts a long time. When you're alone, and those horny moments come up, pictures can be very handy... I haven't gotten a d*ck picture in a long time. I think people are a little afraid. It can turn out bad."
Of her thoughts regarding S&M: "I do think I'm a bit of a masochist. It's not something I'm proud of, and it's not something I noticed until recently... I love to be tied up and spanked. I like to be whipped. And it's funny that I care, but I prefer to be spontaneous. Using whips and chains is too planned - you have to stop, get the whip from the drawer downstairs. I prefer them to use their hands... I think it's common for people who witness abuse in their household. They can never smell how beautiful a rose is unless they get pricked by a thorn... I was always terrified on Friday because he [her dad] could come home drunk. That was pay day, and half of it went on alcohol."
*Bats away onslaught of tumbleweeds* Yep, not sexy, but she's got a point. Hopefully the men she'll suggest a spot of playful spanking to in future will be mature enough to recognise boundaries and not take it as a license to repeatedly shut her head in a car door.
