Do you ever look at Rachel Allen on the BBC, all sweetness and light, and think "there's NO way she's that sugary. I bet, below that counter, she's in the buff from the waist down apart from fishnets and a leather garter belt." Let's just say, if the walls of Ballymaloe could talk you'd see Allen's range of 'Signature Sandwiches' in a new light.

Then, in the other corner, we have RTE Weather broadcaster, Jean Byrne. And there you thought she was called Bondage McRubberdress. Jean, according to the RTE weather site, was born in "Tarbert, Co. Kerry. Jean initially decided to study medicine on leaving school, but decided that it wasn't for her and applied for a job in the Irish Meteorological service... From there, Jean moved to her present position in General Forecasting Division and since 1996 has regularly presented weather on RTÉ (in anything shiny and leather)... Outside of work, Jean's hobbies and interests include reading, walking, art and music. She is also an animal lover and, living close to the city centre, loves all that that has to offer, for example shopping and visiting art galleries." And possibly certain shops on South William Street or, failing that, Capel Street.

In other words, when presented by both of these ladies in my sitting room of an evening, or Saturday morning, their disposition leads me to ponder their potential extracurricular activities. Both give off overtly sensual vibes in entirely differing ways. Rachel is "homely", while Jean wears patent dresses with added fur trim and, at times, leather straps around her biceps. 'Cause that's necessary when trying to convey how crap our weather is generally. Personally, I'd like to thank Jean for brightening up an otherwise depressing segment. As for you, Mrs. Allen... "butter wouldn't melt" me hoop.