You won't have heard of the Annual Data Awards, for this is their inaugural year. Hopefully you won't be scrambling for the winners' names as they don't appear to be available anywhere. In fact, it just looked like an excuse to dress like an effort.

We have some individuals who look sophisticated enough, like Stacy 'meh' Keibler; Mena Suvari (shame her shoes are being consumed by her trousers, they look deserving of the spotlight); and Fergie. True, her bet on cargo pants are a bit on the hectic side but she gets away with it as they're black. She also has the added bonus of having these two numpties to be seen with. Malin 'I was Vince Vaughn's Mrs in Couple's Retreat' Ackerman, while looking acceptable from the waist up, kind of overdid things in the leather department. Do they transform into boots from the knee? Or are they trousers the whole way down making way for a pair of booties? Are they tied at the knee with neck ties?! Confusing.

Then we have the dress brigade, including Jessica Lowndes who was squeezing into the smaller size so help her God; someone (allegedly) called Christian Serratos (WENN's tags are not to be trusted) whose get up is self-explanatory; Melody Thornton in the most eye-watering pair of shoes imaginable; and one Aubrey O'Day... who has made my eyes leap from their sockets and burst upon impact with the sink. Too orange, too shiny, too hippy, too study, too hairy, too eyelinery, too blushery, too bracelety, too cumberbundy and so on.

O'Day, however, looks positively demure in comparison to one Kelis. What. The f**k. Is this. Were Armadillo shoes not enough? Oh no, why stop there when you could wriggle into an elephant's duodenum? And then why not cap off that look with an ode to Liberty island and the aforementioned deceased elephant's tail? That's not nearly enough, so here's some massive lashes and some chained nose ring ensemble that'll make you look like a moo cow. And, of course, one must keep the animal theme running through with a camel inspired mirage around the groin... one must suffer for one's art (which probably explains the damp patch). Oh and stick a wee jacket on cause you might catch a chill.