Yous can all breathe easy - Paris Hilton has found her British BFF. Yep, whooooop, collective sighs all round etc.
Here's what she cooed on the matter: "The person who won is now my best friend. We hang out. Yeah, we're really friends. We've been having barbecues and hanging out at the house. The winner and I have been pretty low-key so far, because it is top secret right now." Almost as top secret as her original American BFF - who's never seen the light of day (if Google is to be believed). Did that show even happen? Yes, I should know, but the brain can only contain a certain level of extraneous sh*te.
So, what does her mysterious friend have in store? "I will always tell you the truth. If you ask me if I like your outfit, if I don't, I'll say I don't. I'm a lot of fun. I love showing my friends my world and enjoying life." Ridiculing clothing and pouting lots - fun, fun, fun!
Whoever made the grade had to prove their worth by be "hot, loyal and paparazzi-ready". They also had to posess the ability to "look hot while on a rollercoaster" and peddle some of her merchandise. Is Paris endorsing fun rides now? Not if her sex tape is anything to go by... *badadum ting* Thanks, I'm here all weekend.
Again, I doubt the bird in the very natural socks/shorts/glasses/sun glasses/braces/tights combo got the gig - Paris' brain matter would dissolve and make a swift exit out her ear before she could conceive a sentence to round up that super kicky ensemble.