It has to be said; not as well turned out by the A-List as it has been in previous years. No Madonna, for example. Or no drunk Uma Thurman. There's also bugger all full-length photos taken by the attending photographer, which is quite shabby.

OK, so who do we have: A shiny pensioner (Mick Jagger); a sparkly pensioner (Joan Collins); an Oscar-winning pensioner (Sydney Poitier. OK, I'll stop being agiest now); Tom Hank's missus being very noisy to the eyes (they're currently transmitting Miami Sound Machine to my brain); an unnecessary train hanging off the back of Emma Stone; Paul Rudd's giant head; Don Draper; moody vampire fodder A and B; a stumpyfying dress; Jackie Collins (that's what I'm going to look like in 20 years time, by the by); Jason Bateman; and 80s throwback extraordinaire Martin Short (and you thought I was going to say Steve Martin...)

Yep, all in all, a bit disappointing.

For yet more photos from The Oscars - these ones are from inside the ceremony - do sashay along to Caught Out.