It wasn't just some random night at the Met, I just couldn't fit the entire title in... Such are the constraints of the internet. To be more specific, it was the Metropolitan Opera's premiere of 'Jules Massenet's Manon'... not that we give a fiddlers about that, we just want to see what everyone was wearing...

There were some close encounters, like with January Jones' side bum, and Chloe Malle's crotch, but on the whole, everyone just donned something black. In Patricia Clarkson's case, she added a black cape and long sequined gloves, as her long black velvet gown and gold belt wasn't nearly enough. Also going for slight overkill was Chloe Moretz. I am embracing the fact that she doesn't pull out the full blown Duckface nearly as much as she used to on a red carpet, but - forgive me, Chloe - this choker does you no favours. Your neck needs to elongate itself a bit more before you decide to cut it in half. Also sidling into the overkill bracket was Patti Smith. She's got a sacrificial tofu goat under her left arm.

Those who nailed the shades of black uniform were the delectable Amber Heard, Sky Ferreira, and Emma Roberts (I'm not sure what's going on around her waist, is it her solar plexus glowing? Or is it a glittery poppy proffering a bow? Either way, she's wearing it).

Those who threw caution to the wind and don a colour included Emmy Rossum, Barabara Walters, and this individual who seems to be ecstatically happy to be sporting Lucille Ball's house coat.