As most of you, who watch the damn thing, are aware - Chesty LaRue has vacated the camp, leaving only one female left, that being Martina...
Upon hearing the news, Nicola gave everyone a hug and a kiss, but embarrassingly blanked David and barked summink about him being a "snake" (we couldn't actually hear 'cause Ant and Dec were busy bleating the obvious to camera about Nicola leaving). She then exclaimed to anyone listening: "It's rubbish that David is in there. The public are crazy. Sometimes the people with hidden agendas do well. But the public are nuts for getting me out because who’s going with him now. It's a real shame if David wins, I’ll be so so upset. He is the wrong person to win it. Sometimes people think I’m too harsh but I could have said a lot more - I held back. He's worked his magic and he's desperate to be famous which is rubbish. I didn't know who he was. I know no one knew who I was but at least I've got big boobs haven't I?" Yes, Nicola, yes you do *pats head*.
Unfortunately for Nicola, The Sun has some bad news. David is in fact in line for the crown come Friday. According to a random source of theirs: "David is far ahead of everyone in the voting. He has been getting lots of votes since he arrived and they have been increasing steadily. Lots of people have assumed the jungle crown is Joe's but at the moment that is not the case."
Living with David would be a nightmare, especially since his armpits reportedly smell of carvery, but the man is a joy to watch. That hair montage they showed yesterday was mildly amusing viewing. Not quite as good as Joe referring to himself as a "skinny Smurf" in his Bush Tucker Trial get up, or when Simon thought Joe had chucked George's dentures out of the bus's top deck, but it was just as funny/creepy as Takei's weirdly spot on "sexy" Page Three pose under Nicola's tutelage. He looked like a cross between Annabelle Chong and mature tortoise...
In other I'm a Tw*t news: Carly Zucker is reportedly beside herself with desolation that she's unable to see her fiance, Joe Cole, until the series ends. Seemingly he's unable to go anywhere because of his footballing duties and ITV are refusing to change her flight. Carly said: "I've had enough. I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to go home. Joe has been ringing me everyday saying he wants me back. I miss him so much. I wish I could get on a plane today." Well, you can't. You have to spend two more days by the pool in a luxury, all-expenses paid hotel in sunny Australia. Relish this time, my beautiful muppet, for you might crave such pleasures after you've a few long years of marriage under your belt.
