Who's bitchier, creepier, and more camp than Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan rolled all into one undulating ball of high-waisted suits, teeth bleach and ill-fitting hair? Indeed it is that creature in the accompany photo.

According to The Sun, David Walliams has been offered £500k to be a judge but he believes he's worth more: "David is a huge fan of the show. It's a big offer, but he's holding out for more. He won't commit until he knows exactly who else is on board."

Not committing until he knows who he's been lumbered with in the wake of Cowell and Morgan hightailing it for LA is one thing, but holding out for more money is a bit rich given his schedule's been about as busy as that of Justin Lee Collins of late. In fact, if WENN are to be believed, the extent of David's public appearances since last March have involved him attending fashion events with Lara Stone.

As it turns out, Walliams is a bit wary of another comedian being asked to make up the Amanda Holden sandwich on next year's panel. Funny that. The source bleating to The Sun continued: "David's unsure about being on the panel with another comedian. He wouldn't want to be in a battle for the limelight with another quick-fire joker."

He best hope Paul O'Grady doesn't sign on the dotted line as predicted. I, on the other hand, am willing that scenario. That line-up could only get more camp if Paul sprawls himself across the desk as Lillie Savage, juggling an assortment of yapping dogs, while Cilla Black does the can-can stage front throughout in a rib-cage skimming leotard and Ant and Dec giggle from backstage dressed as chaps sporting bikers on pogo sticks. How are the prospective contestants going to compete with that? Fabulous.